Forum Thread

Luciel walked into a helpless land,
And wondered lightly am I happy?
Is this happy?

Following the footsteps left by man
He stepped to reprimand the mystic
Who's sadistic

Took a step into the elevator
Who said guess I'll see you later
Don't you worry

Fifteen flights that lasted nights
And days that spent without a cent
For creatures, with their beat shirts.

Listening to painted whispered
Light on top forgotten hills

Next the stranded senate of the white brick house
With flowers asked some questions.
For their story

All feeling now he took his bow
And left the stage of time with no answers
To no questions

Lonely paperbacks that wanted
Just a taste of feeling to implode them
Before living

Tiptoed to the wooden sign and said
Now take your place in line for happy
This is lovely

Listening to painted whispered
Light on top forgotten hills

One secondary smile
To go that extra mile
To make me feel today
To make it go away
The chemistry is gone
Taken for a ride
Far away from you
No longer left inside

The actor with his world renown
Was thinking 'bout his last real day of silence
Was it over?

Or is it just we all think
That our answer isn't real, it's just a picture
Of a letter

Bumble Mumble, take the route
No matter what, you'll seem profound
It's useless just to worry

Something normal happens
Somewhere far away in clouds so please
Stop thinking; this is happy.

Listening to painted whispered
Light on top forgotten hills

One secondary smile
To go that extra mile
To make me feel today
To make it go away
The chemistry is gone
Taken for a ride
Far away from you
No longer left inside
(repeat)

There no secrets in the door
Just a moment doing chores
(There's nothing there)
And there's something 4x
Next to nothing
And there's something 2x
But you're gone

---

I had a fun dream last night. I was at a Diner and saw what I thought was my mom's car, so I went to investigate because the hatch was open. I got inside before realizing it wasn't my moms car, and the hatch closed, locking me inside. I made my plan then.

I would open one of the doors, which would activate the car alarm, and book it away from the scene. What I wasn't expecting was a group of guys around the next section of cars...

They tried to stop me, they did everything from tackling me to throwing a sharp stick at me to try and slow me down. And while they did manage to slow me down a few times, I evaded them the rest. I went through patches of woods, jumped over a small pond that had a shallow spot, and even hid in the underbrush (I ended up giving myself away when I thought that they could see me) After a rather short-ish chase I finally had made it back to a safe place of mine. An old three story house. I darted inside and quickly began heading up my makeshift stairs (boxes that were stacked all the way up to the next landing.) They got inside and heard my footsteps, following me. This also happened on the second flight of "steps".

When I reached the third floor I rushed along the broken flooring and many single wooden planks the made up the path at a few parts. The trio of boys almost on my tail the entire way. That is, until I reached the "attic" where a lot of junk had been stored and still is. I was nearly within sight of the youngest boy (the one who had tackled me during the first stretch of our chase) and to intimidate him I hissed threats out of the darkness at him. About how my gods would punish him for being here and similar ones.

He hesitated which gave me enough time to burrow under the piles and get to my secret perch, a single plank that was connected to the wall which overlooked the large space on the second floor. As I made my way across I saw that the 'Leader' a middle aged boy wearing a grey shirt with blue sleeves, was making his way across the planks to the attic where the youngest was. I didn't see the third oy during this time... (He was rather large and was the one who had thrown the spears)

Needless to say I felt threatened and grabbed the first thing I could get to when I crossed the planks to get to my favorite area, a patch of flooring that was still intact that I made my "bedroom" which consisted of old blankets and pillows I had found in the Junk Room. I had grabbed some pillows, figuring that they would be startled from the unseen attacks and leave.

I did not however, account that I would run out of pillows before then and went to retrieve one that had fallen to the second floor. I dropped down and grabbed it, throwing it again at the Leader, growling and upset that they were now intruding in my home. (Fitting I suppose since I DID break into a car)

After I threw the first pillow, the spear-throwing boy came into sight, also on the second floor and was using a flashlight to help him see. He saw me and approached and I knew I was trapped. I couldn't retreat back up to my perch (it was too far to jump for) and I couldn't get past him since he was blocking the only doorway to the "room" that my Bedroom was above.

He told his friends that he had caught me and they made their way back from the Junk room, all three of them had serious faces and weren't in the least happy about the situation, until the saw who I was. Apparently in our chase they hadn't recognized me (I for one, didn't know who any of them were) and quickly became impressed with my evasion up until that point.

We had a chat, and then I woke up.

-----

I'd like to add that in this dream I felt entirely human up until the point that I had entered my home. Then I felt more... feral? If that makes sense.

---

Made a trade with the ever so awesome FrozenHeroes for my extra Zeraora. I now have a Dragon Gem, 47kPD, and a Lugia Egg waiting to be hatched. :D

Thank you friend!

---

Test post for a maybe shop.

Come one, come all to my lustrous shop! Feel free to browse my wares and, if you have any questions feel free to ask!

I don't bite that much.


Current Stock

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Items Tab


Fighting Gem - 16
Flying Gem - 16
Grass Gem - 18
Poison Gem - 1
Rock Gem - 3
Fire Gem - 14
Ghost Gem - 4
Steel Gem - 12

Pearl - 1
Relic Copper - 2
Relic Silver - 1

Regular Bait - 1
Tasty Bait - 4
Shoal Salt - 15
Shoal Shell - 16

Nebula Stone - 1

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Leaf Stone - 2
Oval Stone - 1
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Water Stone - 3
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DeepSeaTooth - 1
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Sooth Bell - 6
Sun Stone - 11
Dusk Stone - 1
King's Rock - 2
Everstone - 15

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Bluk Berry - 2
Kelpsy Berry - 20
Oran Berry - 1
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Cooking Tab

Honey - 73
Lemonade - 40
Moomoo Milk - 34
Soda Pop - 39

Bluk Shake - 7
Pomeg Soda - 4

Special Tab

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Prices

Just make a offer, I have so much stuff. I'm mainly looking for PD and Nuggets.

---

You need to get this straight
I will never cooperate with you
You try to control me
And the pain I feel seems to make you happy

F that
I'm down so low I've got nothing to lose
Won't put thoughts in my head trying to tell me what to do
F that
And every step you think I'm under your shoe
If you're breaking my back, I'll be breaking yours too

If you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you
If you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you

Here we go again
You think you're in my head and under my skin
There's nothing you can throw at me
You can't win against my kind of crazy

F that
I'm down so low I've got nothing to lose
Won't put thoughts in my head trying to tell me what to do
And every step you think I'm under your shoe
If you're breaking my back, I'll be breaking yours too

If you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you
If you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you

You against me, me against you
You against me, me against you

So if you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you
If you've got something to prove
You against me, me against you
You against me, me against you

---

Character Color Test

Luciel - Maroon

Dimitr & Diadon - Teal

Ruos Maerc - Brown

---

The dust and dirt, blind us slowly.
But give a hint of a view to make it feel alright.
And though it hurts, we keep on climbing.
'Cause our addictions take us from inside.

A sturdy back
But brittle bones.
Too weak to show.

We would say anything just to hear what we want.
Right or wrong.
Then we lie to be forgiven.
We would sell anything just to buy who we're not.
Any cost.
Oh, we kill our way to heaven.
Ooooh
Oh, we kill our way to heaven

We search alone for golden crowns.
'Cause if we find it, we'll have it all to ourselves.
So one by one, we lay our bricks down.
To pave a road on the shoulders of somebody else.

A sturdy back
But brittle bones.
Too weak to show.

We would say anything just to hear what we want.
Right or wrong.
Then we lie to be forgiven.
We would sell anything just to buy who we're not.
Any cost.
Oh, we kill our way to heaven. (Whole verse x2)

Oh, we kill our way to heaven.

-----

I feel like I'm an awful person sometimes. Not being able to give proper words of comfort to my friends, not being able to get a job to support my family, not keeping in touch with my friends... Even the kindest people have shadows lurking behind them and sometimes... Well sometimes the shadows swallow them for a little while. And sometimes they don't come back. And all that you're left with is that dark shadowy shell.

I know it's odd, coming from someone who's so quick to help or to cheer you up but lately I've been feeling more and more like that shell. I haven't been feeling myself for a while and I don't know what's wrong... I've been happy. I've been sad. I've been upset too so it's not that I'm not feeling... It's just that I feel wrong... Like I'm not doing good enough... I'm good at listening, at trying to comfort but that's because I speak from experience.

I do what I think I would appreciate in that situation. Some things I've never experienced... Some things I have and wish I never did. But I can't go back now. I've come way too far to let my past tear me down. It's hard... I feel like I have to be there for people. But I don't want to bother anyone with my own issues. I just... I don't know... I really don't know what I want. Or what I need. I'm not depressed at least I think I'm not. I got away from that once before...

I just don't want to bother people with my own issues when they're all dealing with something just as bad if not worse. I feel like I'm giving both too much AND not enough.

I need help guys. But I don't know what kind of help I need. Or who I need to get it from. Sorry...

Geez this is long... Sorry. Sorry for wasting all this space in your feed... I'm gonna go to sleep and see what happens tomorrow. I might get on tomorrow to check up on things, to talk too maybe... But I probably wont.

I have a lot going on right now. I have my mid-terms and my appointments with my endocrinologist going on.

I'm sorry again. I feel like I shouldn't be sharing any of this but I'm putting it out here in case that's what I need to do.

Oh and for those who just came to the comments for the song its Kill Our Way To Heaven by Michl

-----

I'm putting this here in case I delete it from my feed. I know if I keep it somewhere I don't come to often I have a smaller chance of erasing it completely with a few clicks... I can be very forgetful, especially after sleeping.

---

I might end up leaving PH for a bit. On top of school getting more intense I've been butting heads with some people lately. I just need some time to focuse on my classes and to figure out how I should be acting.

I hope it's understandable.

---

It's been a while since I put anything in here... so there's this.

---

Wow.... I gotta post here more often!

Well... I could start with today's events.

4/16/2019

Today I was ignored a lot... And, with my temper being the way it is, and my friends thinking I was joking or simply giving me bad advice, I burnt my roomie with liquid nitrogen. He was understandably scared and upset, but I've honestly had enough of people not listening to me....

Afterwards I had calmed down a bit, feeling rather empty aside from a little leftover irritation. I built a new bedframe for myself and my roomie made pizza for dinner, which helped improve my mood some.

Now I'm just empty again, and a little tired.

Heheh... I know this makes me out to be and awful person, and that it'd likely scare away quite a few of you, but sometimes things go on for far longer than I like to mention, and sometimes you can't help when you snap on people.

A small question: What's something that made you snap? And what did you do about it?

---

I've had my fair share of "snapping", in fact I did today too. My snapping, however, is different than some people's. When I snap, I don't hurt others physically. I hurt them with my words OR hurt myself physically. Today was a little of both, but mostly myself. After I snapped, I took time to listen to music that I know helps calm me down. I then vented to someone that I trusted who would allow me to talk about what it was that bothered me, and I made sure that they knew I wanted no feedback or advice on the discussion. After that, I went for a nice little walk to clear my head. Walks help me tremendously!

---

4/17/2019

Today has gone significantly better than yesterday has. The only things I'd consider bad is the slight headache I developed about 20 minutes ago.

My roomie and I have started a new RP together on Discord. It's called DELTAFNAF and for the time-being it's a private server. I might make a separate server for public RPs and the like. Anyways, if you can't tell it's a DELTARUNE and FNAF crossover roleplay.

I'm keeping a thread of it up for people who might be interested in the idea and you can find that thread here.

Question: What kind of roleplays do you like to do? Or do you like to at all?

---

Never really been much of a roleplayer myself, though some of the things people have been able to create through RP has been quite impressive!

---

I know I said I'd sleep but I can't. So instead I drew Cap'n Railmont about to get murdered by Lu. : D



I'll do the actual line-work when I'm not tired.

---

Well, it's done! I couldn't find my really nice fine-liners so I had to use a regular pen...



and before I sketch that one, Railmont decided he wanted to go fishing.

---

4/20/2019
Insert rule-breaking jokes here

Alright, I've gotten an idea and I want a little feedback. There's this song by Aviators called 'Revenge' and I REALLY like the story in the lyrics. They fit with Lu's backstory a lot.

And, I began to think... What if I made a lyric video of sorts for Lu? Or at least the panels for one? A storyboard, if you will.

Something like this.

I already have three panels done up until "Your hostility for me, is a score I have to settle."

Image in the spoiler for those that can't load new tabs easily.

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---

Question: What do you think about it? Any ideas for panels, or just general input?

---

4/24/2019

Found a new character to obsess over for a while. Hazama from BlazBlue

I've been drawing a bit more often. So I might have a few more characters to show off.

*Yawns* In other news, I'm working on fixing my sleep. *Looks at the clock that says 2:30am* Heheh... I have some work to do on that still.

---

WARNING: THIS SHORT STORY HAS MENTIONS OF MURDER, LAB EXPERIMENTATION ON HUMAN BEINGS, AND THE BIG GAY.

'After twenty years of being separated, they were finally going to get to see each other again tonight.' Alexander thought as he was pushed into the cell.

"In you go." The guard said. There, sitting in the dark on t he bed, was the Demon. He was sitting near the wall with his head tilted to the left, his hair covering his face.

"His sedatives should be wearing off in the next five minutes. Have fun." The guard said before closing and locking the door with and audible 'ka-chunk' the light above it turned red, signaling that is was locked.

Alexander too a few tentative steps forwards, not knowing how his old partner would react after so long. When he didn't move, Alexander felt safe enough to walk over and sit on the bed. The room was dim and slightly cluttered, so it was a little difficult to get there. He realized, when he sat down, that the Demon had followed him with his eyes, which was a little creepy to be honest...

After several minuted of nothing but stillness and silence, the Demon began to show some activity, firstly his round pupils expanded slightly then contracted into vertical slits, like a cat's or a venomous snake's. Then he let his head loll back fully brushing the hair from his face. He straightened up from his hunched sitting position and eyed the stranger on his bed carefully, letting out a soft growl.

Alexander met his gaze, knowing the Demon from before he knew not to show fear, otherwise he would earn himself a swift death.

Intrigued by the lack of reaction the Demon moved forward, slinking slowly over to the human on his hands and knees, until his lips were barely touching the man's ear. "Ẅ̸̰́h̷̫͠y̴̝̐ ̸͍̋a̴͖̔r̷̥̔é̷̯n̸͈̉'̴̨̓t̶̗͘ ̶̝͘y̵͖͑o̵̬̐u̴̡͗ ̵̞̊s̷͚̚c̴͕̉a̷̢͝ŕ̶͜e̴͈̊d̴̎͜ ̸͕̓ȯ̵̯f̵̤͐ ̶͕̃ḿ̶̠e̸̻͌?̵͙̒" He purred out, enjoying the fact that someone didn't immediately try to escape from him.

Alexander felt his blood turn to ice, knowing that predatory look in the Demon's eyes all too well. "Because, I know you." Alexander replied to the Demon's query. "Showing fear would only get me killed faster." He added, not moving from his sitting position. He could smell the heavy metallic scent on blood clinging to the demon's clothing and breath. 'Do they even let him wash them? Or it it the same pair?' He wondered, the lighting too dim to tell if there were stains in his sleeves.

"E̸͕͗v̸͓̌e̴̜͒r̴̢̀y̷̟̎o̸̢͊n̷̺͠é̶̼ ̶͓͗k̵̺͛ń̸̙o̶̘̔ẃ̸̜s̸̻̈́ ̷̲̚m̷̤͆e̶̤̓ ̴̭͊b̷̲́ỵ̶̽ ̵̞͆a̷̡͐ṱ̵̏ ̷̬̚l̷̺͂e̴̜͂ä̵̜́s̴͍̅t̶̡̊ ̸̞͑ǫ̸͑n̴̝͋è̵̙ ̶̥̈́n̶̯͒a̴̜̎m̴̫͌ë̷̞~̷̃ͅ" The Demon purred. "T̶̖̏h̵͓͋e̴̚ͅ ̴͚͊b̷̙́e̵͇͘à̵͜s̴̲̅t̴̞̐ ̸̮̋o̴̞̾f̵̰͋ ̴͖̏ċ̷͍e̴̫͠l̵̨͘ļ̸͘ ̶̻͂6̷̳͐3̷̹̐2̵̠̋,̶̩̉ ̵̲̾D̸̞͋ę̶̈́a̶̬͑ẗ̷́ͅh̷͚͂ ̴͔̓R̵̛͇o̷̡̾ẅ̷̨́,̶̠̓ ̷̦͒T̶͕̽h̵͖́e̴̩̔ ̷̼͐B̷͓̅u̷̻̔t̷̫̐c̷͈̾h̸͎̀e̴̱̾r̴̘͑,̵͍̌ ̵͕̎7̷͍̏8̶͎̌0̶̤͆ ̶̹͘-̷̖̅ ̶̰̋T̸͉̒h̴͉̎ḛ̵̅ ̴̞̽L̸͚͌a̵̹̐b̷̭̕'̶͕̋s̷͕̕ ̵͍͌H̵̡̓ṳ̸͠m̶̯̍ȃ̷͓ń̴̥ ̴̦͝G̶̮͘á̸̩r̴̾ͅb̷̛̮ǎ̵̪g̴̯̉e̷͚̋ ̶̹͛D̷̤̐i̴̢͛s̸̖̿p̶̞͘o̶̪͗s̶̪͋ȃ̸̼ĺ̷͖,̷̫̊ ̴̮̆à̷͓ṋ̸́ḍ̶̽,̷͎͒ ̶̙̌m̸̢͗y̶̋͜ ̵͇͆p̷͇͛e̸̞͘r̸̜̓s̴̭̃ȏ̵̰n̶̐ͅa̵̲͆l̶̪̚ ̷͓́f̵͕͗ǎ̴ͅv̷̦̈o̴͇͘r̸̛ͅi̴͕̋t̴̜͌ĕ̷̲,̵͚͠ ̸̖̒D̵̛͍è̸͚a̸̪̅ț̶̽ḣ̵̥ ̷̟̈Î̷̙t̶̛͎s̵̘͠e̶̤̐l̸̗̂f̶̙̑.̸͗ͅ" He whispered, baring his fangs in a smile.

"Yes, but none of those are your name..." Alexander responded, feeling sweat form on his forehead, but keeping his fear out of his voice and actions.

"H̵͎͋ẽ̸͔h̷̫̍e̴͓͂ḩ̸͑e̴͖͌ḣ̷̟.̷̗̐.̷̹̉.̸̢͛ ̴̛̤A̷̡̅ ̵̼͗l̴̠̊o̷̩͗t̸̟͆ ̸̂ͅo̵̜͘f̸̯̂ ̴͕͊p̵̪̔ḙ̸́ǒ̴̝p̶͝ͅl̴̥̔e̸̫̕ ̶̬̿k̶͛ͅn̷̞̉o̷̧͛w̸̖͛ ̵̰͘Į̸́'̴̖́m̷̝̾ ̸̯̾Ẽ̸͎x̵̮͐p̷̯̓ȩ̷͊r̸̟̓i̷̢̇m̶̛̖ė̵͇ņ̶̒t̶̮̃ ̸̝̕7̴͍͗8̸͕̈́0̴̭̉.̴͕́ ̶̪͠Ẉ̵͋h̷̨͛á̵͜t̷̠̒'̷̥͝s̴͕̉ ̷͙̎y̵̏͜o̶̖̍ų̸̉r̶̹̎ ̴̼̀p̶̰͝ő̴̡i̴̮̒n̵̖͆t̶̪̀?̴̝̂" The Demon asked, letting out a puff of rancid breath.

"No, that's not your REAL name either. It's Luciel." Alexander retorted, looking Luciel in the eyes as he spoke.

Luciel's eyes widened slightly, shocked that this man knew his given name. But then... who would know? No one knew his given name, except... He grabbed the man by his neck and pinned him to the mattress, snarling. "H̷͎͋ô̴͈w̷̗̉ ̶̛ͅd̷̤͝o̴͍̓ ̴̬̈́ȳ̶͚ò̸͉u̶̧̒ ̴̧̓k̸̡̈ň̵̫ǒ̴̱w̷͍̅ ̷͔̈t̴͖̋h̶̢̽a̶͔͆t̷͓̑!̸̨̈́?̷̩̈ ̸̝̐Ñ̴̪Ò̶̜ ̶̜̀Ō̴̻N̷̈͜E̸͔͗ ̷̨̕k̵̪̈n̸̳͊o̸̪͝w̷̧̎s̴͝ͅ ̵̟͑m̶͓̔y̸̱͆ ̷̜̄ņ̸͠a̵̯͒m̵̥̒ė̶͖.̴̯͑" He demanded, baring his fangs angrily.

"I-it's me, Alexander! You're old partner from twenty years ago!" He squeaked out, terrified by the sudden violent action.

Luciel tasted the sudden abundance of fear in the air and drank it in, relishing the feeling. "Ỷ̴̰o̸̫̎u̵̙̒'̶͇͑r̷͚̂ě̴̖ ̷̻̆a̷̘͊ ̷͎͘L̶͛ͅI̵̛̹À̷̰Ṙ̷̟.̸̩̀ ̶̫̉M̷̺̈y̶̳̿ ̵̯̔o̵̺͌l̷̟̄d̴̻̆ ̴͈̀p̴̟̀ả̴̦r̴̩͂t̷̡̾n̶̳̉e̸̪̓r̸͎͑ ̵̡̔ỉ̷̫s̵̲͆ ̵͍̐d̶̻̓e̴̔ͅa̶͍̍d̶̬͆.̸̺̃ ̴̭͂H̵̖͐ë̸ͅ ̵̳̈ḩ̴̉ä̶̩s̷̯͋ ̸̬̔b̴͇͠e̸̗̚ę̶͆n̸͎̊ ̴͙̄f̵̯̌ö̸̗ȑ̸͙ ̶̺̿ȩ̷͌i̵̟͋g̵̞̚h̴̩͝t̶͖̽e̶̙͘ḙ̶̂n̷̯̒ ̵̥̂ỳ̷̜ẻ̸͈ā̷̪ṙ̶̰š̶͕ ̵͖͝n̷̡̉o̸̝͒w̸̤̾.̶͉͌" He growled out, flexing his claws and pricking the soft skin of the man's neck, drawing blood.

"No, no... It really is me I swear! I can... I can prove it!" He said, hoping to prove to Luciel that he wasn't lying.

"I̸͚͠'̵͔̾m̸͙̾ ̷͇͒t̴̝̚i̵̛͙r̸̨͝e̶̦̽d̵͓͂ ̶̞̀o̵͙͋f̸̗̅ ̵̭̑ẗ̶̮́h̴̺̓e̸̮͑ś̴̮ȩ̴̔ ̶̝̈́g̵͈̿a̶̝̕m̶̜͗è̶̬s̸͍͘.̴̟́.̸͓̒.̸̨̇ ̷̹͋Ĭ̵̮ ̴̤̊t̷̹̎h̵̹͝î̸̪n̸̘̆k̷͉͝ ̷̧͆i̷̠͛t̸̖͐'̵̩̆s̶̯̈ ̷̬̂â̴̦b̶̥̑o̷͙̎u̷̙͝t̷̗̀ ̵̱͘t̷̩́i̶̘͊m̸͙̐e̵͕̿ ̶̗̈I̸̹̎ ̵̱͑f̷̡̈î̵̢ǹ̴̹ȉ̵̙ṣ̷̈́h̶̰̔ ̸̳̀m̴̼͝ỳ̸̯ ̶̧́m̷͉̈́è̵͇á̵͜l̴̺͝.̶̬͛" Luciel growled, baring his fangs and striking, eager to sink them into the man's neck.

"OCTOBER 14th!!!!" Luciel paused, his teeth just barely grazing the man's skin. Alexander swallowed, glad that he was still alive. "October 14th. That was the day that you and I decided to be more than just cellmates, to be partners." He said quietly. "There was apple pie served that day with dinner, and we thought it would be cute to feed our slices to each other." He added, watching Luciel's reaction and choosing his words carefully.

Luciel closed his mouth, pulling away slightly as his mind relived that day. Alexander continued. "You finished mine, but I couldn't do the same, since you always had a bigger appetite. I told you that you could have it but you refused, insisting that I should be the one to finish it. So you wrapped it up and fed the rest to me later when I was hungry again." He finished, watching Luciel carefully, afraid to move.

Luciel closed his eyes, knowing that no one but his partner would know that. "T̵͚͘ĥ̶̺e̵̹̽y̷̛ͅ.̵̲̊.̸̤̄.̷̝͂ ̶͚̇C̸͇̀ơ̵̟n̴͖̓v̵͖̔i̵̟̿n̵͍̋c̵̺͐ę̶͛d̷͖́ ̶͈͑m̶͓̚ẹ̶͐ ̸͙͝y̸̮̚ȯ̶̮ù̴̼ ̷̣̊ẉ̴̌e̶̟͋r̶͖̍ë̶̜́ ̴̦́ď̴͉e̴̪̾a̶͈̚ḓ̴̛.̴̩͊" He rumbled out. "T̸͓͒ḧ̵͚ẻ̶͚y̸̙̓ ̵̯͛s̸̢͝ḥ̶̈́o̶̤̍ẃ̴̜e̴̲͒d̷̡̚ ̸̖̈m̷̲̈́e̶̪͂ ̸͎́r̵̞͑e̷̛͜p̸̙̾ò̸͈r̸͎̃t̷̗̄s̷͍͐ ̸̟̎t̸̖͂h̷͉̉å̵̹t̷̻̋ ̵͖̐y̷̜̒o̷͉͘ů̷̹ ̸͓͂ḥ̷͐ā̷̢d̴̤̕ ̴͚̊b̵͎͊e̴͉̐ë̸̗n̶͇͝ ̸͇͐m̵̭̄ṵ̴̒r̶͎͋d̵͈̾ė̷̬ṟ̶͝e̵̤̐d̸̢̎ ̸̝̉a̸̢̒f̸̩̈t̶̻̀ë̵̥́r̵̛̬ ̸̦͒g̶̪̽ē̸̬t̵̹͐t̵̛̥i̸̭͑ń̸͍g̶͇͝ ̸̨͛p̶̫̓a̶̖̓i̴̚͜r̷̪̆e̷̘̿d̶̟̉ ̴̲͝w̶̗̄i̴̟̾ť̶̝h̷̨̑ ̴̟͑a̷͍̒ǹ̶̗ò̶̩t̵̺͂ḧ̴̥́e̶̳̎r̴͚̐ ̷̓ͅě̵̪x̷͙͆p̸̝͛ẹ̴͒ŕ̴̞ḯ̷̤m̴̥͗e̴̝͂n̷̩̍t̶̼͛.̵͚́" He felt tears prick his eyes. "I̸̥̋ ̶̜̐d̴̞͒ĭ̴̗ḓ̷͘n̵̡̓'̷̗̒t̴̻͂ ̴͎̕b̸̗͊è̵̢l̷̗͊i̷͈͛ẻ̶̩v̷͎͝e̵̝͒ ̴̲̀ì̷͔t̸̩̊,̶̟̿ ̷̮̏s̷̨̓ō̷̹ ̷̯̀t̸͓̍ḧ̵͉ê̵̢y̷͚͌ ̵͖͌ḛ̷̚ṽ̶̼ȅ̷̫n̴̟͘ ̴̨͌m̵̪͒a̷̖͗ḑ̵͌e̴̹͛ ̸̧̒f̴̙͝a̷̬̎k̸̺̋e̴͔̒ ̸͙̕a̶̞͛u̵̱̇d̷̦͝ĩ̴̭o̷͖̊ ̵̖̒ȁ̶͉n̴̦̓d̷̰̉ ̸͎̈v̶͍͐i̷̢̛d̷͍͋é̴̘ò̴͉ ̴͖̄l̶͍̽ó̷̙g̸̜̓s̸̻͛ ̷̞̄ǫ̴͌f̶̦͗ ̸̩̎t̵̥͌h̴͓̽ė̸̠ ̴̥̉è̶͕v̸͈̅è̴͉n̴̥̚t̸̨̛.̷̰̀ ̵̰̾I̵̲͋ ̷̱̔t̵͖̀h̸̛̲o̸͍̔u̸̺̓g̴̯̓ḩ̷̀t̴͉͐ ̶̞͘y̵̦͑ȯ̵̗u̷͕̇ ̸̤̍ḋ̷̡i̶̛̟e̷̛͖d̷̩̕ ̵̰̎e̷̜̾i̴̊ͅǧ̶̗h̴̗͌t̷͍̉e̷̗͝è̶͓ǹ̷̟ ̶̪̉ỹ̷̖è̸̙a̶͕̚r̴͔͑s̴͙̃ ̴̱̄ȧ̸̱g̶̰̕ő̷̼.̷̙͆.̸̨̓.̷͔̇" He said softly.

Alexander was shocked. He hadn't known about that. What were they thinking... Why did they do that?

"Ï̶͍ ̷̥̾ġ̴̟o̴͇̿t̷̖̒ ̸̡́s̶̨͊a̸̞̍d̷̔͜.̷͎̇.̷̘̓.̴̧̀ ̷̰̌D̶͘͜e̸̱͝p̸̯͑r̶̬͗e̴͓̎s̸̗͋s̴̻͘ȩ̸̊d̶̪̄.̷̡͠.̴͋͜.̷̫͗ ̴͇͝I̷̙͛ ̷͈̚w̴̜̍o̴̘̎u̸̺̕l̴̖̀d̶̹̓n̵̡̂'̵̦̉t̵̬̕ ̷͈͝d̵̝̅o̶͕͑ ̸͍͝ā̴̡ṅ̸̗ÿ̷̪́t̷̜̎h̶̡̅i̵̠͋ǹ̸̮g̶̙̀ ̵̨̃f̶̣͑ọ̵͑r̶͖̄ ̶̣̀t̴̫̚ĥ̷̪é̶̳m̴̉ͅ,̵̭̃ ̶̝͛a̸̻̓n̴̬͑ď̵͍ ̸̮͗c̶̱͂r̸̳̉i̴̫͗ḛ̶̓d̷͙͑ ̵̖̀f̶̰͒o̵͉͠r̸̩̋ ̵͈̈́ẃ̴̺e̴͙̍e̵̙͘k̶̖̾s̶͈͆ ̴̰͌b̷̫͋ė̵͉c̷̳̆å̷͕ù̶̡s̸͎̋e̵̹͌ ̷̢͐I̴͓͗ ̵̣̐t̴̻̋h̴̾͜ö̷̥́u̶̡͐g̶̛̲ḫ̶̃t̶͈̓ ̴͚̚I̸̡̒ ̷̖̀l̴̜̎ö̸̗́ś̸͉t̶̬͒ ̷͖̊y̷͝ͅö̴̱́ǘ̶̺.̷̪̿.̸͙̈́.̴̜̏" Luciel took Alexander into a tight hug. "T̴̫̈́h̶͓̍e̷̢͐n̸̙̈.̴̭͛.̶͓͂.̵͉̑ ̸͇̚M̸̬̕y̷͚̒ ̶̻̽s̷͚͒ä̷̙́d̸̗̽ň̶̞ẽ̸̦s̸̤̈s̷̠̎ ̸͚̑t̸̬̕ṵ̸͋ŕ̵͉n̶̢͋e̸̘͛d̵̞̐ ̵̹̐i̶̖͗n̶̛̥ț̶͝o̵̯̍ ̸̼̃a̵̬̓n̴̲͘g̸̬͑e̸͓̋r̶͓̈́.̷̜͒ ̸̢̓T̷͍͊h̸͉̽ě̸̘n̴̘͛ ̸̟̆a̸̜̓n̶̥̏g̴̥̀e̸̘͆r̶̳͑ ̶̤́ṯ̶̈́ů̵͔r̶̰̐ṇ̴́e̶̥̋d̷̨͌ ̶̨͝t̶̝́o̸̮͘ ̶̟͛r̷̰̐a̵̳̕g̴̙̎ë̴̮́.̵͙̄ ̵̩̎I̶͈͆t̵̪̂ ̵̧̂w̶̳͒a̸͎̔ŝ̶̹ ̸̣́ț̴̀ḧ̴̖́e̵̝͝ị̸͝r̵̟̕ ̵̙͋f̶͓͠a̷̖̓u̷͓̓l̵̢̆t̵̬̍ ̸̩̌y̸͔͛o̷̖̅ù̶͚ ̶̡̀w̶̤̕e̸̽ͅr̷̕͜e̵͔͝ ̶̰́ḍ̸̀ē̶͚ạ̷͠d̵̝̆.̶͍̍ ̴̥̑Ṯ̷̎h̸̖̓ȩ̸͝y̷͈̿ ̷̦͑m̵̯̄a̵̜̒d̶͓̿e̷͎̅ ̶̡̉t̷̖͗h̵̲̋e̷̠̾ ̸̥̎c̴̊ͅh̵͉͐o̶͎͑į̸̐c̶̝̈e̷͎̚ ̷͖̒t̸̝͘h̵̡̀ȁ̴ͅţ̸̏ ̴̼̽k̸̰̉i̴͇͑l̶͈̎l̶̘̒e̵͙͋d̷̰͐ ̸͈̎y̵̠͛o̸̬̊u̵̲̚.̶̤̏.̷̡́.̴̩́ ̴̦̃T̴͎͝h̸͕͐ê̷̤y̴̺̍ ̶͚͐b̵͚̐e̴̹͒ĝ̴̹a̷̲͗n̴̪̄ ̶̣͋t̷̯̾o̴̗̕ ̸̠̔s̶̥̾e̷̮͘ḑ̷̆a̶̝͊t̸͍̑é̴̯ ̶̫͋m̵͖͋e̶͔͌,̵̟̍ ̷̡͊ē̸̤v̵̭͐e̴͓̐n̵͓̚ ̶̲̉f̶̻̈o̵͙͌r̶̩͗ ̷̼͊s̵͖̔o̷͕̔m̸̨̀e̸̮͊ṭ̴̀h̴̋͜ḯ̶̧n̵̻͝g̸̛͖ ̸̨͐a̴̳͑s̵͕̿ ̷̘̀s̴̭̈i̵̢͒m̵̟̽p̴̺̽l̸̤̀e̷̲͠ ̸̝͒a̵̤̕s̴͈͑ ̷̥̌ṁ̶̫ý̴̲ ̶̗̏m̸̨̓ĕ̸̯ḋ̸͕i̶̡̐c̷̰̋ȃ̴̗ĺ̸̟ ̶̠̇c̸̼͘h̵̪͑ĕ̴̫c̸̘͝k̶̪̓-̸̺̀ů̸̹p̶̮̑s̷̳̊.̸̟͆ ̷͔͠B̸̛͎e̶̝͗c̶̹̃a̴̲̒u̸͙̎ś̴̝e̶̬͠ ̶̗̚Ĩ̵͖ ̷͖͒w̴̲̃o̷̬̽ủ̴͉l̶̢̓d̸̛͔ ̵͍̀ț̸͑r̶̙͗y̴̺̏ ̷̩͝t̸̳̂o̵̧͝ ̶̙̌k̷̙̚i̸̗̿l̵̳̽l̴̹͛ ̷͚̿t̵̳̋h̷͇̔e̵̻͆ ̴̧̕D̷̢͠o̷̼͋c̸̣̏t̵̗́o̴̹͒r̵̐ͅ,̷̭̎ ̶̰̐o̴̤͌r̵͚̋ ̵̛͇á̷̪n̴̺̈́y̸̫͆ŏ̸̬n̶͕̉e̵̮͊ ̸̘̄é̵̞l̶̻̋s̷͉̄ȩ̸̏ ̷͉͆t̶͇͘h̷̞͝ȧ̵̝t̶̺͛ ̷͓͝I̶̛̭ ̶̡̀c̸̲̒a̸̙͝m̵̟͐ȩ̵̏ ̵̮͆ă̷ͅc̸̏ͅŕ̷͚o̵̩͗s̶̗̅s̷͓̚.̶̕͜ ̴̯͘I̷̯͆ ̷͍͂c̷̢̈ǫ̵͒ư̵̩ĺ̶̰d̶̡́n̴͚̈́'̶̭͝t̵̪͝ ̶͔̅ṡ̵̫t̴̃ͅà̷̖ǹ̷͇ḋ̸̼ ̶̙͛s̶̘̀e̷̝̔ê̵̤i̶̦͋ñ̵̤g̵̘̊ ̸̮̿ţ̸̔h̷͚̕o̴̮͠s̷̞͆e̵̦̕ ̶̬̅b̴̖̌ā̸͉d̵̦̋g̷̣̿e̷͙͛ş̶͑.̸̱̒.̶̣̓.̶̭̆ ̷̼̀Ṇ̶̒o̵̪͂t̸̾ͅ ̸̭̔w̸͍͠ḧ̶̯́e̶͓̓n̷͔̄ ̶̢͒I̶̻̔ ̸͎́k̷̮͝n̴̠̓è̴̤w̴̙͛ ̴̢͝t̵̰͗h̸̻̐a̵̹͂ẗ̴̜ ̷̺̑õ̸̢n̶͈̐ě̴͇ ̸̝͑ö̵̹́f̴͎̆ ̷̢͛t̶̼͌h̵̥̍é̴͚ṃ̵͒ ̷̩͒h̶̰̕a̴͈͒ď̴͚ ̷̲̎c̶͎̏ặ̵u̸͍͒s̴̮̿ē̷̟d̴̘̒ ̶͖̉ÿ̸̢o̵̘̐u̷̖̒r̵͙̈ ̷̫̋d̵̗̅è̸̦ȃ̶͉t̷̬͂h̵͓͆.̸̣̐.̷͍͋.̸̢̏" He squeezed Alexander tighter. "I̶̥̋ ̶̢́t̷̰́ů̴̪r̴̭͒n̴͙̆ë̴͙́d̶̬͋ ̷̲͊ȉ̴̝ṅ̶̠t̷̟̓o̸̥͠ ̴̹͆e̸̤̒x̴͉̓a̷̘͌c̴̫͌t̴̥̄l̷͉̈́y̸̰͗ ̵͇̈́t̴͍̋ĥ̵͚e̵̝̔ ̸̹̏k̷̺͒ȋ̵̩n̷̟̓d̷̬̍ ̴͗͜o̴͔̍f̵̬̐ ̶̯̈ḿ̵̮o̴̤̕ñ̴̰s̷̤̎t̶̖͝ê̷͓r̸̩͌ ̵̜̕t̴̥̏ḩ̸͐ȩ̸̔y̵͙̌ ̷̓ͅw̶͇̏ǎ̷̤n̴̮̑t̵̹̕e̴͇̋d̷̹̋ ̸̪͆m̸͖̊ë̶̟ ̶̫̂t̴̹́ȯ̷̼ ̸͎͗b̵̯̈́ę̶͂.̵̘͝"

Alexander didn't know what to say, finding this all to be a shock. How did he not know about this? Why hadn't they told him?

Luciel relaxed his grip, letting Alexander go. "B̸͕̌ŭ̷͙t̵͈͝.̵͎̂.̶̡̏.̵̛͕ ̷̮̐D̴̨̂e̵̹͠s̵̳̋p̸̮͆i̵̦̋t̷̳̔e̶̯͝ ̸̰͛f̷̣͛i̴͚̔ņ̵͝a̴͇̚l̸̙͝l̴̝̾ȳ̵̖ ̴̬̊g̶̝̒e̸̞̊t̴͕̄t̵͖͂ĩ̴͈ṉ̴̑g̸͔̅ ̵̩̐y̸̲͋o̸͔̎ṷ̵̽ ̷͍̈́b̴͖͝ā̸͚ç̵̅k̶̖̓.̵̟̏.̷͇͑.̶̪̂" he began. "I̷͓̿.̸̧̾.̵̩̽.̵̦̐ ̸̠̿d̶̨̒ǒ̷͎n̷̥͗'̴̯̀t̶̜͂ ̷̡͋f̸̜̆e̶̜̊e̶̗̿l̵̰̒ ̴̮͋ȧ̶͈ṋ̶͒ỷ̵̼t̵͇̉h̷̢̀i̸͈̕n̶̜̒g̸̻̈́.̷̬͝ ̴͖̎N̷̹̿o̴̱̚t̵͓̅h̷̀͜ḯ̴̗n̸̥̕g̸̞͘ ̷̉͜l̴̰̈́ỉ̸̥k̷̤͋ḛ̶͐ ̷͔͘ẅ̸̖h̵̤̚ă̸̯t̷̟͠ ̷͍̏Î̴͉ ̵̗͌f̴̳̓e̴͕̔ḽ̵̃t̷̻̂ ̸̬͛b̴̨͑ḙ̴̋f̸̘͛o̷̬̚r̵̘̈́ë̸̱́.̵͓̋.̸̮̈.̸̙̈" He looked up. "T̴̗̐h̴͙͑ȅ̸̢y̴̯͆.̵͕̄.̴̥̈́.̶̧͝ ̴̹̂t̶̜̿h̶͖̐e̸̩͆y̶̠͂ ̷̤̓b̷̛͎ŗ̸̈́ŏ̴̮k̷͔̚e̷̠͂ ̵̢̃m̴̥̓ḛ̶̆.̴̥͌" He said quietly, not understanding why he wasn't happy or excited to have Alexander back.

Alexander look at Luciel with wide eyes, then he closed them and gave the Demon a tight hug. "Then I'll just have to fix you again."

---

I can't seem to do anything right. I think I might have pushed away another good person just by stating simple facts about myself...

Why am I like this? Why am I so horrible?

Maybe... I'm supposed to be this way...? Maybe I'm not supposed to be happy. Maybe instead, I'm supposed to drag everyone else down with me. Because that's what it feels like. I HATE IT.

I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to make anyone upset. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS.

But I can't stop it. It's just who I am... And... Despite how much I hate it... That won't change.

I. . . I just want to be happy, for once. To truly feel as if I'm doing something good. Being content, or in a pleasant mood has been the closest I've ever felt to being truly happy... But I've never quite gotten there.

I think that it's been taking a toll on me lately. I. . . I guess I'm open to talk about it, but this is everything I have to say right here...

I apologize now, if I end up lashing out. I can be... careless when I feel like this.

Mood: Turmoil

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I had a good day today. Other than the internet outage we had for a few hours, it was nice.

I talked about all sorts of things on the Discord server! Like Committing Arson, Alter Egos, Old Cartoons we watched in our childhood, etc...

It's certainly a fun place to come check out~ You don't even need to have the app downloaded of you're on PC either, since it has a browser based version too.

Overall, today has been good. I'm harboring a bit of a grudge though but it's nothing too bad.

Question: What helps you keep calm when you get upset? I'd like to get a good idea of coping tactics for later use~

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