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Lei's Leitmotif

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Waltz

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                                                Posted: Mon, 20/11/2017 08:54                                                (7 Years ago)
                                            

I don't know how I got so tangled

re-visiting a piece of media from your childhood is a double edged thing to do; you might remember things you were trying to forget but it might also bathe your current views in the golden light of insight.

Agh,

tfw when your favourite character kills your other favourite character

Can't wait to hear Le Perv and She Swallowed Burning Coals in action, Roller Mobster was awesome. I wanted to clear the level calmly but the music wasn't really supporting me on that h a h
Also Run, but I got through that one way too fast

Quote from future Leireached the level,
I almost wet myself when the song came on oh god

Oak rewards:
1. Pikachu ; Festival Points (300) + Rare Candy (1 o 3)
2. Eevee ; Festival Points (300) + Mystery Box Gold (3)
3. Magikarp ; Festival Points (500) + Egg (retro)
4. Snorlax ; Festival Points (1000) + Yellow Flute
5. Mewtwo ; Festival Points (2000) + shiny retro egg
capped

b/c that had to happen at least once

some more thoughts so I don't burst into flames

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heliovice is???? good??? Why didn't they put it on an album? W/ Sotelos vocals?
To reach elation, to return from the fall; I'll see the way.
To return after all, see the rim around.
I made it to the sun.
top ten questions science can't answer yet
maybe on periphery IV

I find it interesting that the two scariest hm characters get memed the most.
It's like you battle fear w/ humor, haha

"there's only masked art of richter, b/c he is too ugly"

hardest level so far: dead ahead (pardo)
shotgun executions,
generally manny w/ shotgun, damn

"When we get there, we're gonna fly so far away,
Making sure to laugh; while we experience anti-gravity"

I crave MGS a little, it was fun //////

aa????

Trash is a disgusting song; it's gritty and perverse, but I love it so much
(would prob post lyrics now but the song is complete nsfw))
Not listening to much Korn atm, too hard hitting. Maybe when mood changes,

I've forgotten how it feels like

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Thu, 23/11/2017 12:51                                                (7 Years ago)
                                            

eudaimonia

Feeling stranded.

New year's approaching and I checked my resolutions-list from the year before; I was able to fulfill some of these until now but others remain to be fulfilled, a.k.a these things can't be achieved in that last month of december.
I will rework these resolutions and try to stick to them in 2018, I really want to change some things here and there. (Maybe enforce some reward system? No idea how I should keep track of these things properly)
This year was full of new insight and perspectives, and I'm really happy for that. Even if they brought hardship w/ them, too.
In my mind the year is over already, even if there's more than a month left still. Maybe b/c I already lost all perspective, haha.

I need better footing.

already started collecting ideas for new years resolutions now, won't post them here as they might be nsfw
I'm tired, and I felt it for awhile now; In this sea of lonely, the taste of ink is getting old

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Sun, 26/11/2017 08:12                                                (7 Years ago)
                                            

levity

let's light the mood w/ memes only myself finds funny
b/c my humor can be avant-garde at times

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why do we exist

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Thu, 30/11/2017 22:26                                                (7 Years ago)
                                            

advent calendar(s)

prematurely, b/c I'm excited ////
contains ph calendar and a tea calendar I got

❅ 2017 ❅

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finished~

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Thu, 07/12/2017 07:47                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

heartache

I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been tonight
uff.
I'm far behind w/ all my course material, and I'm having a hard time catching up.
There are too many mixed thoughts in my head, I can't focus on anything at the moment.
People from the past returning into my life, aah. I considered him dead and buried, but at times one person alone can turn your whole biochemistry upside down.

I have a lot of useful suggestions on solving the more important studying-issue and I even made a detailed list to navigate through the matetial, but I'm lacking one important thing - motivation.

I don't have any motivation, no spark that inspires me to strive for excellence. I used to be really ambitious, no idea where that went. I just can't see the point in trying anymore.

I bet there's a WikiHow on "gaining motivation", but I'm too lazy to check. Rather than use my precious freetime in any meaningful way (reading, studying, not being lazy) I started sleeping far too much and stare at the computer screen even more now.
Bad habits need breaking, and I see the deficiencies I have; yet I just can't find a way to get this change started.

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Mon, 11/12/2017 07:02                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

february winds

ayy
what's the point in sulking?
If the meaning of life is living itself, I'm letting it drift by and make my existence ~~even more~~ meaningless (or something).
Even if it's hard to be content frequently I shall try it, maybe I even get more productive.

Light up your book of matches

You know you have a problem when you have a post like that in every page of your diary

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Tue, 12/12/2017 09:50                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

☽ to-do: mid december

~~☽ lf an avi~~
~~☽ woopice hunt~~
~~(☽ event mega hunts)~~
~~☽ [LOG] course summary~~
~~☽ letter~~
~~☽ organize ocs (drawing/bio/edit)~~
~~☽ fiji bottle~~

☽ done

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Sat, 16/12/2017 13:21                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

Release

It felt good to browse instagram again, I don't know why I stopped, I often got a bunch of laughs out of it. I should make it a custom if I feel bad or had a stressful day ~~or make it a reward so I finally study more efficiently~~.

I realized that Technoir is Pardo's first level theme, I was wondering who got it. It fits him well for some reason, I can't even describe it.
He drives to the building and the music is still calm and builds up, and it stays like that when he takes his shotgun out of the trunk. Even if you enter it's still calm but then BLAM the bass hits and tramples you down. It's really awesome. It's not as violent as other tracks but it still does it's job.

For reference;
Pardo:
Technoir
Bloodline
Slum Lord

Richter:
Richard
NARC
The Rumble
Le Perv

I had to dig around to find out that S**ualizer is a Fan theme, from the level where you kill the henchman
?????????? ok

I should listen to all the songs I have on my phone, I'm missing out. I found some gems recently oof

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Tue, 26/12/2017 20:13                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

egg science (trainer points)

ref sheet pour moi so I can grind them trainerpoints more intensively
thanks @vasy for investigating further for me

hatching eggs
easy - 3
medium - 5
hard - 8
rare - 15
starter - 20
legend - 50
special - 20
event - 75
alola - 15
unown - 20
retro - 0
ditto -
quest -

adopting
game center egg - 9(meowton) 6(dratini) 23(dog trio)
lab egg - 6
daycare egg - 3
gem collector egg - 3
tall grass egg - 8
retro starter voucher egg - 3
lugia voucher egg - 3
safari pokemon - 3
fossil egg - 3
event shop egg - 3
honey tree pokemon - 3
egg from rowan - 3
beach pokemon - 3
rumble pokemon - 3

misc
every 100th interaction - 1
spending 10 dream points - 1
claiming a boiled item - 5
battling - 1v1 (losing: 1; winning: 4); 3v3 (losing: 1; winning 5) 6(2 dead)v3 (losing: 3; winning 10); 6(4 dead)v6 (losing: 3; winning 10)
winning oak contest - 100

no exp(?)
coinflip
rumbling (send/receive)
concentration game
auction house
treasure hunt
opening mystery boxes
golden slot
higher or lower
hangman
lottery
writing a forum post
fishing
lunch at los seashellos
exchanging items
honeycombs
moomoo ranch
hairsalon
berry garden task
royal tunnel: getting gems

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Sat, 30/12/2017 07:07                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

music meme

"pick-a-number-thing", stolen from a salad bar
I talk a lot about music here and this might be interesting for me to fill out, even if I'm the only one actually caring about it :'3
I can't link all the songs as some of them probably contain harsh language or aren't on youtube

date: 30. december '17

[image is gone, that's why you only put your own links in public places kids. Now this makes a lot less sense haha]

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1. Mando Diao - Gloria x
2. Alter Bridge - Lover x
3. Billy Talent - Rusted from the Rain x
4. (u-uh)
5. Breaking Benjamin - Diary of Jane (y'know, the edge-phase) x
6. Korn - Kiss (Venice) x
7. Kanye West - Wolves (rap) x
8. (I honestly don't remember, I was told I liked techno a lot)
9. Limp Bizkit - Counterfeit (b/c you sound like the coolest kid ever w/ that on your headphones) x
10. Britney Spears - Toxic (hhhhhhh) x
11. Light Club - Fahkeet x
12. (I don't think I know one)
13. Marylin Manson - Speed of Pain x
14. Daft Punk - Instant Crush x
15. Incubus - Summer Romance x
16. Kings of Leon - WALLS x / Closer x
17. Carpenter Brut - Le Perv x
18. ~~Carpenter Brut - Le Perv~~ The Weeknd - I Feel It Coming x
19. (none sadly, only garage bands haha)
20. IAMTHEKIDYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN - Run x
21. (I'll just take the one from my music player currently) Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe x
22. (when a song like that would exist I wouldn't be here) x
23. ~~Carpenter Brut - Le Perv~~ Song of the Dragonborn (Skyrim) x
24. (no idea tbh, definitely none of my favourite songs)
25. Shawn Mendes - Stitches x
26. Perturbator - Technoir x
27. Breaking Benjamin - Next to Nothing x
28. Periphery - Stranger Things x
29. Incubus - Talk Shows on Mute x
30. Billy Talent - Viking Death March x
31. Incubus - Look Alive x
32. (I can't decide, I found so many)
33. The Used - Soundeffects and Overdramatics x
34. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah x
35. Periphery - Ow My Feelings! x
36. Incubus - Here In My Room x
37. Periphery - Jet Packs Was Yes x
38. (ALL OF THEM. But seriously; I understand that metal and synth don't have that much coverage but give dudes like Incubus and Billy Talent a chance, they can blend into the mainstream too)
39. ~~Carpenter Brut - Le Perv~~ Carpenter Brut - Hang 'em All x
40. (lol you wish)
41. (uh)
42. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody x
43. Incubus - Make Out Party x
44. (no)
45. The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Hellfire x
46. ~~(did I already play all of my "Carpenter Brut - Le Perv" free cards)~~
47. Kanye West - Gold Digger x
48. (see 49.)
49. (Is this a joke question haha)
50. Carpenter Brut - Le Perv (PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW)

final verdict: I hope I will stop loving <<certain songs>>>> someday

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Tue, 02/01/2018 16:12                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

Rust

Dear diary,
I thought I make this an old-school entry for once. A new year has begun; not that it changes much or has significance, but it could help to take this fresh new cycle symbolically.
I completely forgot setting up any resolutions for this year, even though I had it in mind a couple of weeks ago.

-This year I need to focus on my studies and the social aspects of my life. My brain doesn't get any fitter and finding mutuals in the workplace sounds awful.
-Another thing I want to work on is focusing at the task at hand and stop creating new ones that pile on top of each other to bury the issues that need sorting out. That is one of my worst qualities and I really need to stop it. I'm shooting myself in the limbs.
-Don't use "feeling down" as an excuse to harm myself and shell in. It's normal, and it will happen from time to time. Get off the internet, play a game, take a walk, go to sleep. Getting my mind busy w/ something else should help.
-That said, watch out for what I'm putting in my body - It's all I'm saying. Tone down the bad stuff man.

In the end, it boils down to "become a better version of myself". I can't and won't change completely, I'm a human and hate change. But some tweaks and tuning can be done, I'm certain about that.

Today's theme is probably "uncertainty"; My head is somewhere else, even if I try to focus.
I don't know where I'm heading and I don't know if I even want to know.

I can't think of anything else. At the end of my old diaries was always a song lyric I found interesting for the day and a comic I drew. Times are changing though, ahah.
Or are they?

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Wed, 03/01/2018 18:09                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

scribblu

drawing thing.
when I have free time, I want to use it to draw one of my ocs; any art is fine.

[random org]

oc list

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done, will try to do more art soonish //

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Thu, 11/01/2018 19:35                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

skin

mood

listening to breaking benjamin, consuming mass amounts of tea and thinking about mortality

cause you know it's over
growing colder
I need something
leave me next to nothing

one of these weeks again ah
that wave of self hate comes like every 11 days, and here was me thinking I already grew out of being an angsty teen
agh
I started crying more again, I got so sensitive.
Everything hurts and feels wrong
I don't even know what to do against it, I just feel like dying

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Wed, 17/01/2018 23:45                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

remorse

[hlm 2 spoilers ahead]

I finished the game and I have to admit that the ending is final, just like I want my endings in media to be. Everyone dies.
It's a little crushing, since after playing them and finishing their arcs (or not, I'll come to that) they just get annihilated in that explosion.

The fanimals get killed singlehandedly by the son (all but tony, who gets wounded and shot in the head by pardo when he surrenders later), and the son himself later commits suicide by jumping off the building.
Evan, who in my playthrough gets together w/ his wife and children again dies, reunited, w/ his whole family, at the dinnertable.
Richter gets hit by the blast while watching tv w/ his mother and comforts her in the last seconds of her life. He spent his whole ark trying to save her and in the end succeeds, but dies w/ her anyways.
Pardo...
...that son of a bleep.
I love him to bits but his ending doesn't satisfy me.
Manny Pardo is the Miami Mutilator and has killed many innocent people for media attention, which he gladly doesn't get at the end. Leaning against the wall of his apartement, he plays w/ the gun he commited his last murder. Pardo gets "executed" by the bomb from behind.
Imo there should have been bigger consequences for him committing these murders, his nightmare state at the end wasn't enough.
Yes he dies alone, w/ unfinished business, unrecognized, but still. It doesn't feel complete for me.
Anyways, the game was great and I hope for more, maybe even w/ new characters and set around events before the nuclear fallout.

Waltz

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                                                Posted: Sat, 20/01/2018 22:25                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

To1

long term, low effort things I could do during studying/busy seasons

~~-use the event passes (if I still have them until then)~~
-zubat mass
-legend hunt (diancie? deoxys? )

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Fri, 26/01/2018 12:05                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

quixotic

(idealistic, unbusinesslike, romantic, extravagant, starry-eyed, visionary, utopian, perfectionist, unrealistic, unworldly;)

"catching post" if I feel the need to post, no new post until finals are over

>"he gets on top of him and punches him straight in the heart. The punch causes randy's heart to stop."
>yea sure it did

did you ever feel like a stranger

sometimes I feel so unsure about what other people think about me, it's sickening. I shouldn't be caring about it in any way, but it keeps me awake at night.
It's hard to not worry if you barely talk to anyone, too.

On some days I just want to throw the towel.
I don't know for what I'm enduring all this when i could instead have some mindless, easy, okay-ish paying job that doesn't strain me as much. I'm betting on a horse w/ broken legs here.

I want to love you but I'm growing old

1o1 comps ideas
main: joan, sonya, sapphire, raphael, wild girl
sec (champ): dracula, sisha, lily, nurse, [placeholder; nuke or support]
backup: geisha, wildtress, [protect/sustain comp]

stuffs: saint, psychic, jinx,

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Thu, 08/02/2018 08:29                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

blood on the leaves

I prepared this code for my next sm hunt. I wanted to dive right into it, but I have like two months worth of a break now, I would just brick myself. I can start this again when I hit a busy season.

So yea, freedom for now. I didn't plan to dwell completely in mindless fun and games, I have to read some classical literature for my subjects so I don't relax too much.

edit
maybe I'm hunting another mega instead; blastoise, scizor, medicham,

[left][h][color=#463065]shiny mega audino[/color][/h][/left]

[center][img]http://staticpokeheroes.com/img/pokemon/bw_front/1531m.png[/img]

[code][i][b]Congratulations![/b] A shiny Audino hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #)![/i]
[i][b]Congratulations![/b] A mega able Audino hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #)![/i][code]

[u]mile stones;[/u]

[u]event log;[/u]
[spoiler]
[/spoiler][/center]

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Sun, 11/02/2018 23:08                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

it's raining somewhere else

no you know what, screw the lyrics, I don't deserve Wolves

I'm in a dark place rn.

Idk why I'm still caring at all

Indecisive

ugh

Things have been a little inside out apologies

[glances up]
not even a week into my semester break and I'm wrecking already, this will be though

it's only a trust fall
into the arms of all

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Sat, 17/02/2018 17:00                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

asdf

"Vas❣a is pathethicc"

the internet is one of the best things that could have happened to humanity but I also have to bleach my eyes and my browser history now
Why do some ideas exist
Just let it go man
just let it go

"but lei", you might say, "every ship in any fandom is valid and okay"

nO

I think they call it "weltschmerz"

edit;
but then you find art of a ship you never considered and now you just sit there like an idiot, giggling and grinning

hEE

Waltz

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Forum Posts: 836

                                                Posted: Mon, 19/02/2018 09:22                                                (6 Years ago)
                                            

trust fall

Not a divide, that's an illusion, a collective dream; you startle and wake
Salute the abyss, smile and surrender
Into a glimpse, the rapturous nothing
Into the arms of your captor
Into the arms of the all
Into the arms of the all
Into the arms of the all

halleluja still makes me cry