Forum Thread

Title: Entry 60- Seeds

Dear Dumb Diary,

Today it's December 12, 2015 and I've started my shiny Seedot hunt :) I really, really, really hope I'll get a male, but if I get a female, I'll keep it as a Seedot and try with another chain.

Also, I've started to collect Joltik plushies. I've got 4/100 atm.

Professor Rowan gave my a mystery egg that hatched into a Mega-Able Charmander :) X, I think...

Guess that's all for now...

**K gave me a Mega Stone and I was able to FINALLY mega-evolve Mesa!!! QuQ

<3, Innie

Title: Entry 61- GOALS

MAIN GOAL:
-Obtain all Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Mega Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Shiny Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Event Bug Pokémon
-Collect all Bug Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Joltik Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Spinarak Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Butterfree Plushies

NOT COMPLETED GOALS:
-Get Timothy to level 9000
-Get all Unown
-Get all Castform Weather Types (including Regular Castform)
-Get all Harvest Sprites
-Get all Events
-Collect all Plushies

COMPLETED GOALS:
-Hatch a Shiny (Midas the Caterpie)
-Hatch a Mega-able and Mega-Evolve it (Mesa the Scizor)
-Get Timothy to level 100
-Get all 8 Eeveelutions (as well as Eevee)
-Get all 9 Furfrou Hairstyles (as well as Shaggy/Normal)

Title: Entry 62- BUSY

Dear Dumb Diary,

Yesterday was busy. I went to the docs to set up an appointment (which is today at 1:20pm) and the eye docs to set up another eye exam and get new specs (it's Wednesday at 3:45pm). I also got myself registered in the local Native Health Facility (my tribe is Cherokee, from my father's side of the family) and I now have a chart started so I'll be able to make appointments for therapy/psyche evaluations. I also got my non-driver ID :)

**** is still really sick, I think it's a sinus infection :( He's got tickets to see The Force Awakens at midnight on Thursday, so he hopes he'll be feeling better.

I'm 135lbs quq I'm not as fat as I thought! ^u^

<3, Innie

Title: Entry 63- Doctors.

Dear Dumb Diary,

Just came from the doctors. I've got medication and an appointment to see the gastroenterologist being set up. Also got cute gold loop earrings and a beaded bracelet. I've gained 4 pounds UnU He thinks it might be IBS :c I can't have lactose or dairy until I've seen the gastroenterologist :c

</3, Innie

Title: Entry 64

Dear Dumb Diary,

So, the eye appointment went wonderfully. I have really healthy eyes, I just can't see, and my right eye is weaker than my left. I picked out a cute pair of glasses that I REALLY like! ^u^ But the eyedrops to dilate my eyes stung really bad and made me tipsy. My mom was loling at me X3 Demon spit, I swear...

**** is still kinda sick, but so kinda and loving that I'm seriously wondering if he's "the one" OwO

<3, Innie

Title: Entry 65- The Wuv Awakens

Dear Dumb Diary,

So **** got home at like 3:30am my time, 4:30am his time. He sent me such sweet texts that I KNOW he loved the movie! "My darling. UwU *kiss* my beautiful darling. *snuggles* good night my love. I love you. So very much uwu" Isn't it the sweetest thing you've ever read!?! QuQ I love him so much!! ^u^ <3 But I have a feeling I won't be hearing from him until late in the afternoon X3 He's gotta get his sleep~ UwU My widdle Jedi OwO

Well, I had very vivid dreams where I went to places in my past to see old friends and family, and even new friends... They were weird.

ALSO, I have been OBSESSED with the Vocaloid song ＋♂ -Plus boy- X3 It's catchy, funny, and groovy UwU ABCD ii yuku~

Guess that's all. I can only afford to miss one more day on the Advent Calendar...

<3, Innie

Title: Entry 66

Dear Dumb Diary,

I had a really depressing dream last night. Before it, I had a dream about making monsters. A green chunky goop showed up in each dream. Maybe I want guacamole? X3

I can't wait for **** to wake up... I miss him...

I found a lot of like-minded people on twitter, I was noticed by one of my many senpais, and I realized that my medical issues aren't nearly as bad or uncommon as I thought UwU

Oh! I finally learned how to get items to dress up your Pokemon with! You gotta complete tasks given to you during the opening of the contest. Your rewards are items :)

**Ok, so apparently Kaneki-Ken was sent a Christmas gift that said "Please leave her alone. I don't mean to be rude, but you scare her and the only reason she has been talking to you is because she feels guilty. Please sever all ties you have with her. Thank you." and he asked me to tell the one who sent it that if they want to talk to do it over dA or Facebook. Problem is, I dunno who sent it. It couldn't be ****, he doesn't have an account and he's still asleep (I've text him like 20 times and there's been nothing, he is out...) but I dunno who else it could be, if not someone from dA who saw the journals I made back when I ditched them... :/ Mm, spider is very stressed nao...

<3, Innie

Title: Entry 67

Dear Dumb Diary,

I had such a beautiful dream last night... UwU

So last night, I did my usual thing (destroying the idiocy that is Feminism) and while I did **** seemed unhappy with me. So I decided I'd become a Feminist to appease him. I mean, I have the glasses, the hair, I can't shave... All I have to do is whine and cry about everything and boom, insta-feminist. But he STILL was unhappy with me, to the point where he wouldn't even talk to me :( Nothing I do ever makes him happy. He tells me not to change but doesn't like who I am! I gave up on being a Feminist. I'm not intelligent, but I'm not that stupid, whiny, or weak. I'm sticking to the side of truth and facts over emotions and opinions...

I am very lonely, though. I have ****, a black girl I hardly know, an exbfgf, and a few other somebodies online. I cried myself to sleep last night. It hurt my intestines to do so, but I haven't let out my emotions in a long time...

</3, Innie

Title: Entry 68 - Side Effects

Dear Dumb Diary

So the prescription my doctor gave me has caused me to have headaches, worsening depression, suicidal actions, and fits of anger... I'm gonna stop taking it and talk to my doctor...

Due to my depressed, angered, suicidal state, I fought with **** again. Why does such a wonderful guy stay with someone like me? :c

I'm really tired...

(Also, Note To Self: Blazenw is trading me an Anorith with an Everstone (when it hatches) for 17,000 pd and my 27 Electric gems.)

</3, Innie...

Title: Entry 69 (lol) A Blue Christmas

Dear Dumb Diary,

I feel things. Strange things. Sad things, bad things, odd things. I don't know how to get the feelings out. Words aren't helping anymore. Singing sometimes does...

This is nonsense, really.

I was in the way, I was always in the way, a bother and an annoyance. Fake smiles for the sake of politeness. But in the end they hurt, they hurt and they like that they hurt.

I'm lonely, I'm sad, I'm insane. It's all come back to haunt me. I'm alone again, but nobody knows.

Why do I keep acting happy? I don't know. I guess I'm happy sometimes. But then the sadness comes back.

I need sleep. I need to forget. I need to be alone.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Title: Entry 70- Christmas Haul

Dear Dumb Diary,

Here's a list of some of what I got for Christmas:
-Cook Book
-Nutcracker
-New Purse and Matching Wallet
-Monster High Doll
-Movie: Barbie in the Nutcracker
-DS Game: "Lufia: Curse of the Sinestrials"

All in all...not a bad Christmas, gift-wise. Food-wise also. So much candy and good food. It's just...my father's side of the family is so racist and judgmental, yet my dad himself is so kind and laid back... It's so bizarre.

**** sent me a card, apparently. Haven't gotten it yet >u< He also says he has a gift for me... I haven't gotten all of his gift yet...

Wrote my first chapter/page/entry of my Fanfiction "The Aspects of Reality" today. I'm...eh. It could be better. I may rewrite it later.

<3, Innie or whatever...

Title: Entry 71- Change

Dear Dumb Diary,

I'll be taking a break from PokeHeroes for a while, only stopping in to retrieve and resend my Pokemon on Rumble Missions, interact with my Pokemon, gather Honey and Moo Moo Milk from route 53, and collect Dream Points. Everything else is on hold. I'm not leaving the site altogether, but this new year, 2016, marks a new chapter in my life. I want to do more, and my identity as Saint-Pandora/Toetag001 is really holding me back. In the future, I will no longer check back on these old accounts or the history with them, and move on completely with a new online identity.

It's time to grow up and move on. I have a new life ahead of me. It's time to shed my cocoon and fly with my new beautiful wings. I don't know what new username I'll create, or who I will be with it, or who I'll meet or what I'll do, but I know that Toetag001 will be forgotten, and may never be seen or heard from again.

Goodbye for now, my Dear Darling Diary. Thank you. <3, Toetag001

Title: Entry 72

Dear Dumb Diary,

Life has no purpose.
We were born, so we will die.
There is no meaning to anything.
In 5.4 billion years there will be nothing to suggest our earth even existed, let alone any of us.
God is not real.
Angels are not real.
Demons are not real.
Ghosts are not real.
The Afterlife is not real.
The only monsters are humans.
Love is a chemical reaction in the brain.
Happiness is temporary and fleeting.
You're just a pile of bones and blood.
You're not special in any way. None of us are.
Go cry yourself to sleep and pray you die before you wake, as I do.
Also cheesecake is yummy.

<3, Inad

Title: Entry 73 - Ignore This.

Dear Dumb Diary,

I have started a game. I sH4lL l3Ad y0u 0nWarD. My ARG begins...! ...whenever anyone starts the game UnU

Let's hope the mods don't confuse it for spam and delete it... Ehehe...

<3,
Toetag006

Title: 74

Dear Dumb Diary,

I gave up on music and writing. I haven't written anything since November last year. I suck. Why get in the way of true talent? I won't.

</3,
Whatever the Hell I am

Dear Dumb Diary,


I'm sad, Diary. It's sheer misery. I hate life.


</3, Thing

Title: Entry 76 - LIFE

Dear Dumb Diary,

Lately I haven't been on much at all. I've been busy with real life stuff, and more active on my tumblr(s). I'm trying to distance myself from my Toetag001/Saint-Pandora identity so that I can be more myself.

Some notable things that have happened:

I've come out to myself a closeted genderqueer. My family doesn't know, only my bf and my sister. I call myself genderqueer because of my dysphoria. I sometimes feel like a girl, othertimes like a boy. Hopefully I can make a decision later in my life when I'm more mature and knowledgeable whether or not to accept myself as female or transition to male.

I might transition, FtM. I've decided to wait 5 years (I'll be 23 when it's time) to make the decision of whether or not I'm going to transition from female to male. My bf GREATLY disapproves of this, he's straight and wants to date a girl (I can understand his qualms, and I will respect his decision to leave me should I transition.) so he's not too happy to talk about my dysphoria, transitioning, or my genderqueer-ness.

I've come out to myself as a closeted bisexual. Again, only my bf and my sister know. I'm only romantically attracted to women, though I'm both romantically and sexually attracted to men.

I've asserted myself as a proud anti-feminist and anti-sjw, an egalitarian libertarian. I shouldn't really need to explain my position here, but I DON'T NEED FEMINISM, I DON'T NEED "SOCIAL JUSTICE", AND i DON'T NEED THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, BECAUSE I AM A STRONG INDIVIDUAL WHO DOESN'T NEED A CULT. Ahem. I'm not an entitled, spoiled, first-world, fact-denying crybaby, is what I meant to say. (Go ahead and hate me, I don't give a sh*t.)

There's lots of other stuff but it's more financial and personal that I don't feel comfortable talking about it here. Let's just say that we've been given an opportunity and if everything goes right, my life might become so much better. My mental and physical health will improve greatly and I'll be able to do things I never could before. However, since we never catch a break, none of this will likely happen and my life will end in suicide.

<3,
Toetag001