one guacamole is equal to 6.0221415×10²³ guacas

Dracula’s a public domain character so you’re being negligent as an author is you don’t at least consider using him in every story

The law forbidding citizens to criticize Henry VIII’s marriage to Anne Boleyn has just been repealed in Ireland what a time to be alive.

You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.

Discuss: the impact of Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend on Naruto shipping culture in 2007

life hack: if a nuclear bomb test is about to occur hop into a lead-lined refrigerator. You’ll get blown out of the blast zone and land over two miles away and be perfectly fine despite all the damage the fridge takes as it lands and bounces a few hundred feet further and then go on an adventure with your long-lost wannabe greaser son to find his mother and your former college buddy and keep the soviets from using an alien head to take over the world.

IM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKK

Shine bright like a washed nintendog

will you still love me when im no longer young scrappy and hungry

Current mood: Bob Belcher saying ‘oh my god’

A superhero trying to get himself classified as a natural disaster so people can get refunded by their insurance company when he destroys their home during a fight.

I want a Sharkboy and Lavagirl remake where the CGI is insanely good and the acting is super emotional and intriguing, but nothing about the story changes. Sharkboy still has to sing the dream song and mister Electricidad still has to go “YOU ARE IN MY CLASS!!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND”

what if someone tried to rob a nightclub and he ran in and screamed “everyone put your hands up” and everyone was like “yeah dude” and kept dancing

*enters ikea* hikea
*leaves ikea* byekea
*becomes ikea* ikea

once inside a thrift shop dreary, while i browsed there, weak and weary,
over many a quaint and curious greatcoat of forgotten bore—
while I nodded, puissance sapping, suddenly there came a yapping,
as of some one whitely rapping, rapping at my bargain store—
“‘tis some visitor,” i muttered, “rapping at my bargain store—
only this and macklemore.”

the sun doesn’t have to go to college bc it already has 28 million degrees

Harry can’t tell the difference between his potions’ pot and his bestfriend…they’re both cauldron

If you like star wars puns, metaphors be with you.

She had curves in all the right places, but the left side of her body consisted purely of straight lines , it was a bit strange.

Me: Doctor, why is that syringe filled with glitter?
Doctor: Anaesthetic.