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Nessy's incredibly boring writing
Forum-Index → Diaries → Nessy's incredibly boring writing
Posted: Sat, 02/04/2016 09:24 (8 Years ago)
This is a writing piece that's taken ages for me to get off my chest. But you really don't have to read it.
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I’m starting this piece of by giving
my readers a trigger warning. If you are reading this, be warned,
for there will be triggers.
.
.
..
..
.
.
.
.
.
Warned? Gone?
Please go away.
.
.
It’s about time I explained the difference between Nessy and Amber.
Amber is who I was. A person who went through school in a daze of good grades and false smiles. Someone who hid their depression well enough, by surrounding herself with people, by being an extrovert. She had emotional scars from her first stepfather, an abusive man who once made her sleep on the metal frame of a couch because he wanted the cushions on his bed. A man who’d left her on mom’s porch late at night while mom was still moving to the new house. The nice house.
Amber was prone to self harm. In middle and high school, she’d flogged herself, caused multiple rope burns and scars on her body. Her favorite form of self harm was tightening a rope around her waist, because she thought herself fat. No matter how smart she was, no matter how nice she was, apart from Anne and Steven, there were bullies, rude comments, gross guys in high school who’d corner her alone and tell her that they wanted to “relieve her of her virginity” since the only people who’d find her worth dating were the guys who never bathe and still pick their asses in class.
High school was about the time Nessy started to surface.
Amber was a water type. She went with the flow, she agreed with everything, she shows up when other people are around. She’s the one who dated people, and eventually gave up her virginity because she started to think those guys were right.
That no one would love her the way she wanted to be loved.
In college, Amber went from one kind of self harm to another. Emotionally torturing herself and others. Destroying relationships with random flashes of anger and aggression. An addiction to hatred and sorrow, thinking she didn’t deserve what she had.
Sophomore year, she started cutting. This lasted until January, where she was asked to move out, to leave the friendships she’d destroyed.
Three short months with former friends, ending in that January.
Amber tried to kill herself, just as she’d killed her friendship. 23 asprin and two shots of raspberry vodka. It almost worked until she woke up, her entire head ringing like a cathedral. She started puking what looked like coffee grounds, and was rushed to the hospital.
The day she left the hospital, she rented her new apartment and moved in.
Amber died.
Nessy arrived in the new apartment, a young woman, set on living on their own. Nessy is nonbinary, the part that never felt quite comfortable in that body. Nessy doesn’t have periods because of birth control, Nessy makes friends online, has jokes, has datemates online who don’t expect anything of them.
Nessy still has depression. A mental condition still exists in the body it inhabits. But, unlike Amber, they were able to deal with it healthily, find outlets that worked.
The ghost of Amber still returns, that much is true. She’s the one who appears whenever I smoke pot, or drink alcohol. She likes to come back occasionally, say hi, be social.
But Nessy is who I am now. I am still at fault for the mistakes I made when I was Amber. But Amber is no longer who I am.
Now I am fire. Decisions don’t come easily when I’m with others, because social anxiety makes choosing hard. You could always make an incorrect choice.
But alone, as Nessy, I choose to drink coffee, I find friends in shared fandoms. As Nessy, I am a pokemon trainer. As Nessy, I am a Brony.
As Nessy, I have friends I care heavily about.
Only this quarter, as I say goodbye to college, was I able to admit in public (not social media, that’s internet) that I prefer Nessy now. That I am Nessy now.
It’s satisfying to say goodbye to Amber.
You can still call me that, especially if we are smoking together or drinking together. Because then, I am Amber.
But the sober me? The me you read, the me you see day to day in public? That’s Nessy.
.
.
..
..
.
.
.
.
.
Warned? Gone?
Please go away.
.
.
It’s about time I explained the difference between Nessy and Amber.
Amber is who I was. A person who went through school in a daze of good grades and false smiles. Someone who hid their depression well enough, by surrounding herself with people, by being an extrovert. She had emotional scars from her first stepfather, an abusive man who once made her sleep on the metal frame of a couch because he wanted the cushions on his bed. A man who’d left her on mom’s porch late at night while mom was still moving to the new house. The nice house.
Amber was prone to self harm. In middle and high school, she’d flogged herself, caused multiple rope burns and scars on her body. Her favorite form of self harm was tightening a rope around her waist, because she thought herself fat. No matter how smart she was, no matter how nice she was, apart from Anne and Steven, there were bullies, rude comments, gross guys in high school who’d corner her alone and tell her that they wanted to “relieve her of her virginity” since the only people who’d find her worth dating were the guys who never bathe and still pick their asses in class.
High school was about the time Nessy started to surface.
Amber was a water type. She went with the flow, she agreed with everything, she shows up when other people are around. She’s the one who dated people, and eventually gave up her virginity because she started to think those guys were right.
That no one would love her the way she wanted to be loved.
In college, Amber went from one kind of self harm to another. Emotionally torturing herself and others. Destroying relationships with random flashes of anger and aggression. An addiction to hatred and sorrow, thinking she didn’t deserve what she had.
Sophomore year, she started cutting. This lasted until January, where she was asked to move out, to leave the friendships she’d destroyed.
Three short months with former friends, ending in that January.
Amber tried to kill herself, just as she’d killed her friendship. 23 asprin and two shots of raspberry vodka. It almost worked until she woke up, her entire head ringing like a cathedral. She started puking what looked like coffee grounds, and was rushed to the hospital.
The day she left the hospital, she rented her new apartment and moved in.
Amber died.
Nessy arrived in the new apartment, a young woman, set on living on their own. Nessy is nonbinary, the part that never felt quite comfortable in that body. Nessy doesn’t have periods because of birth control, Nessy makes friends online, has jokes, has datemates online who don’t expect anything of them.
Nessy still has depression. A mental condition still exists in the body it inhabits. But, unlike Amber, they were able to deal with it healthily, find outlets that worked.
The ghost of Amber still returns, that much is true. She’s the one who appears whenever I smoke pot, or drink alcohol. She likes to come back occasionally, say hi, be social.
But Nessy is who I am now. I am still at fault for the mistakes I made when I was Amber. But Amber is no longer who I am.
Now I am fire. Decisions don’t come easily when I’m with others, because social anxiety makes choosing hard. You could always make an incorrect choice.
But alone, as Nessy, I choose to drink coffee, I find friends in shared fandoms. As Nessy, I am a pokemon trainer. As Nessy, I am a Brony.
As Nessy, I have friends I care heavily about.
Only this quarter, as I say goodbye to college, was I able to admit in public (not social media, that’s internet) that I prefer Nessy now. That I am Nessy now.
It’s satisfying to say goodbye to Amber.
You can still call me that, especially if we are smoking together or drinking together. Because then, I am Amber.
But the sober me? The me you read, the me you see day to day in public? That’s Nessy.
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Mon, 30/05/2016 20:29 (8 Years ago)
Title: Shiny Piplups
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Thu, 08/09/2016 07:04 (8 Years ago)
Title: [Title]
In this club, our goal is to help each other develop characters. Whether for writing, RP, or fun, this club aims to help you make your characters the best they can be!
When here, please follow all the rules, and be polite to each other.
Every so often we will have a prompt, posted by one of the mods. Feel free to participate with any of your characters, any development is good development!
||||||||||||1. Respect each other!
2. Don't harass other users.
3. Do not steal characters or art. Note: Character thievery will be punished with a week long ban from the club, continued thievery will result in a permaban from the club.
4. Follow all Pokeheroes rules.
5. While not required, participation with other users is highly recommended! Whether offering suggestions for characters, helpful critique, or even just ideas to help a character grow, you should try participating with other users!
6. If you're not looking for help or critique: this is NOT the place for you. This club's focus is on character building, so just posting a character to show them off means you're not getting help!
7. Listen to the mods! Nessy, Giltine13, Tomomo, and Towoma are all here to help you and enforce the rules!
8. Have fun! All violators will be fed to the nargles.
Pixel and Divider Credits:
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Plant Divider (and flipped versions) by LlST
Introduction Tree by momentaryunicorn
Whispers of Magic by Angelichellraiser
Posted: Mon, 16/01/2017 05:07 (7 Years ago)
Title: Testing again
Hi there! I'm Nessy, though I'm sure you figured that much out, and this is my art shop!
This year, I've been trying to draw more, and through that, get better at art! Of course, it would be helped greatly if I had more subjects to draw from!
♫ Rules: ♫
~All PH rules apply
~Subscribe to the thread if possible, I won't always remember to PM/palpad you!
~Be patient! I'll try to finish your art in a timely fashion, but I am an adult with a job!
~You are welcome to reupload your art anywhere, as long as you credit me!
~Clear references are necessary! I won't color the art unless the reference is also colored, because I don't work well with descriptions!
~I retain the right to reject your order prior to your payment. NO COMPLAINTS.
~When the slots are full, they are FULL. Do not post when the shop is closed.
☘ Prices: ☘
-Sketch-
Headshot:
Full body:
-Colored-
Headshot:
Full body:
~I also accept payments of volcano maps and magma stones! //shot
☕ Examples: ☕
Sketch:
Colored:
Slots:
1.
2.
3.
Form:
[center]
Nessy, I'm Ordering Art!
[b]Username[/b]:
[b]Type of order[/b]: (sketch headshot, sketch fullbody, colored headshot, colored fullbody)
[b]Character Reference[/b]:
[b]Other[/b]:
[/center]
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Tue, 01/08/2017 08:45 (7 Years ago)
Title: Dreams are weird ok
---
So anyway, as an adult, graduated from college, I've not been in my old high school for years. But I have a semi-recurring dream every year or so about my high school.
First, I can't remember my locker combination. It makes sense in the dream because I know I've not gone to the high school in years, but why do I have a locker? And why are they asking me to clean it out and turn in the lock when I don't even go to school there??
Then, the locker is in this weird alcove place along the library, on one of the walls where there wasn't actually lockers (though we did have an angular wall near there that had the "cool" lockers because it was in the central bit where three hallways met, but I never liked my locker there, I preferred my locker down at the very end of one of the halls, coincidentally, the furthest hall from 50% of my classes, but that never truly mattered because there was never anyone near it)
And across from the lockers, along the wall where the administrative offices and the bathrooms were, instead is like a safeway freezer supermarket thing, and in the dream, that's where the teachers get their food, because despite having been to the houses of both teachers in my dream, they live at the school now or something.
Anyway, I "empty" my locker, which has a few books and a bunch of ancient candy in it
And I turn in the lock to the office, but I step outside and the busses have already left
Since my parents live an hour away by bus, I'm freaking out and running towards the elementary and middle schools (Okay, my school had what was possibly the weirdest setup, and high schoolers had like 30 minutes less school than the middle schoolers because of it - the busses would come to the high school first, pick up all the high schoolers, then roll down in front of the elementary school, load them up, and then roll into the middle school and grab them. On the contrary, in the mornings, middle schoolers were dropped off first, then high schoolers, then elementary schoolers. High school got out at 2:30, and the middle school got out at 2:45-3:00. There was no after-school detention because so many people were rural and wouldn't be able to get home. Maybe high school had shorter breaks between classes or a shorter lunch? Plus not really a breakfast, just a 10 minute snack break between first and second period. But we also only had six periods, unlike other high schools that have 7. It was a weird, poor school that couldn't afford more classes)
Anyway, I ran towards the elementary and middle schools, and since it was a dream, I knew I should be tired or dizzy, but I wasnt
And I reached them and saw the busses weren't there either.
And I turned to see the busses pulling into the high school, even though I could've sworn they'd just pulled out of the middle school
And I keep chasing the busses in hopes I can get on one to go home
Then the bus driver turned me down because I'm no longer a student
So I'm stuck in the small, disgusting town, no way of leaving, chasing down vehicles, and I have my phone but instead of you know....calling someone, I just keep showing random people the map I've pulled up to where I live (an hour an a half away in a slightly different direction from my parents, but in a different district, so the busses wouldn't have gone there)
And no one is offering to help AT ALL so i go back into the school
My two teachers were browsing the shopping area, picking out fresh veggies and frozen meat from the same section because of teacher magic
And I ask them for a ride and they just shake their heads, and as they shake their heads, I notice they aren't human any longer, they're more reptillian and smooth and they still look like my teachers but also they're lizards
And my spanish teacher is a giant bearded dragon and as she shrinks she tells me
"You can get home on your own! You just have to - "
AND THEN MY ALARM WENT OFF
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Fri, 01/09/2017 05:38 (7 Years ago)
Current goals:
Beat Isaac, Satan, and Greed mode with every character.
----
Azazel:
Isaac:
Maggie:
Cain:
Judas:
???:
Eve:
Samson:
Lazarus:
Eden:
If I hate myself:
The Lost:
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Fri, 27/10/2017 18:59 (7 Years ago)
Title: THEORY: Princess And the Frog
and if you do and have suggestions, palpad me ;3
----
In the Princess and the Frog, when Naveen kisses Tiana, she turns into a frog.
Now, the movie would have you believe this is because she wasn't a princess, but Dr. Facilier isn't likely to set that particular loophole when he's around.
In fact, what if Naveen was MEANT to kiss Charlotte? And he was meant to turn HER into a frog as well?
Why would a villain so smart let Naveen escape? Of course he was mad about it, because they got away from the party. BUT...if Naveen had kissed Charlotte, and turned her into a frog? Facilier can now control the richest man in the city.
As a bonus, Facilier wasn't surprised there were two frogs. Maybe a bit surprised that the girl frog wasn't Charlotte, but not so much that there WAS a girl frog.
And what better way to get rid of your need for Lawrence than to let the frog escape and have him turn Charlotte into a frog? There's no point in having Lawrence around once you have two ditzy, easily distracted pawns under your control.
NOW the biggest "hole" is Charlotte didn't turn into a frog. However, their kiss was after Facilier and his shadows were pulled back into the underground, and after Naveen had seen Momma Odie. And if Momma Odie let a curse/shadow like that stick around, she wouldn't be a very good practitioner of hoodoo. Perhaps she added the "princess" bit herself as a bit of insurance against Facilier. Perhaps she just knew that Tiana had the power to defeat Facilier in time, and that the kiss would work thanks to traditional magic kicking in.
And that's why non-princess Charlotte didn't turn into a frog, but Tiana did.
or something
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Sat, 04/11/2017 19:12 (7 Years ago)
Title: Yuletime art presents
PALPAD ME or comment your characters ON MY FEED
If you're not on the list but feel like you deserve to be, well, you better give a really good reason
-----
CatLady xx
Doopliss - xx
Girafarig shiny pink bab
ImperialHound - xxx
Ishi Bitts n Pieces
Leicester xx
Liffy - Otis
Liirah xx
lizz-uwu xx
podunk UoU
SpicyPants mmmmm
Toma has hat
Tsuko blind
Twin late
Ufimtsev xx
woopers O u O
Yato small friend
Kitkat harold
Dcasom her
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Tue, 23/01/2018 21:01 (6 Years ago)
I have done a bamboozle
Trick and Treat art by Podunk
Posted: Wed, 02/01/2019 19:01 (5 Years ago)
Title: Teeth
That's where I come in! I'm a hoarder of these lovely ghosties, and I'm looking to buy up as many as I can.
This will serve a manifold purpose - there will be fewer ghosties in the wondertrade, a nice compensation in your pocket, and a very happy Ness.
1. Don't rush me or attack each other! I'll hurry to accept every trade ASAP, but sometimes stuff comes up!
2. First come, first serve!
3. Don't argue with my prices! I try to be fair to site pricing.
4. You set up the trade - this prevents miscalculations.
5. Fill out the entire form. Chopsticks are the answer.
6. Follow all site rules! Try and be polite <3
7. Only ask for stuff I have listed please!
8. You can offer any of the evolutions! No everstones are required, I love all the ghosts.
[b]Ness, I've got some ghosts![/b]
[b]Username[/b]:
[b]Number of ghosts[/b]:
[b]Payment / Items[/b]: (the stuff you want from Ness)
[b]How do you eat soup?[/b]
[b]Username[/b]:
[b]Number of ghosts[/b]:
[b]Payment / Items[/b]: (the stuff you want from Ness)
[b]How do you eat soup?[/b]
Pokedollar / PD - 35k per shinyHave: 1,000,000 (28 shinies worth)
Summon items:
Nebula Stone x5 - 1 for 3
ghosts
Enigma Stone x1 - 1 for 2
ghosts
Star Piece x9 - 1 per ghost
Hard Rock x2 - 1 for 2 ghosts
Dark Stone x1 - 1 for 2 ghosts
[RESERVED - Gregg].png)
Vortex of Time Map x1 - 1 for 3
ghosts [RESERVED - Furret]Gems:
Electric gems x60 - 30 for 1 ghost
Dragon Gems x6 - 2 for 3 ghosts
Fairy Gems x125 - 25 for 1 ghostOther:
Red Orb x3 - 1 per ghost
Blue Orb x4 - 1 per ghost
Green Orb x2 - 1 per ghost
Rare Candy x9 - 1 per ghost