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Chali's Life Journal
Forum-Index → Diaries → Chali's Life Journal
Posted: Sun, 09/08/2015 05:23 (9 Years ago)
At first I was afraid to post this, but here goes. My life has been terrible after last year, from not talking to any of my internet friends, losing my best friend of 12 years to her new boyfriend (leaving me to be by myself for the rest of freshman year, except for ShinyEscavalier who stood by me!). Anyway, it hurts to live with my dad because my mom kind of abandoned me when I was five but came back later in life. Anyway, I got to spend most of the week with my mom, because I had to get pills for my anti-depressant and my face.
I reunited with one of my closest friends on the internet, FireStorm! She is amazing and she's been helping me with everything, just by talking to me. She's been helping me out my depression to the point that I haven't self-harmed, for a while. ^_^
Anyway yesterday night was hilarious, we talked all night. At 2:42am I saw a spider in the corner of my wall. I freaked out and got a giant duster (Which extends super super far) and glade spray. I sprayed it, I thought it died but it fell off the wall. I LITERALLY SCREAMED, the bright side the spider smelled like Lavender & Vanilla. Fire and I laughed all night, with jokes and random shipping with certain people *wink wink nudge nudge*
She even got this guy (who I haven't talked to in what could have been a year) to at least say hi. It was a small gesture, but it meant so much to me. Anyway during that night, I was going to message him about something, I sent it, but realized it was bad timing. So we were freaking out to find out it didn't even send. (Then we were screaming in Herochat about how Adele saved us)
Another note is that I haven't seen my dad for about 2 months now....I want to say I miss him, but we have never gotten along (I don't know why I live with him) he cares more for the two boys at our church, he says he treats them like sons and may have a crush on their mom. So I'm alone, not talking to anyone, which is different from how I act online.
I will admit, I am a self-harmer and I am majorly depressed, but I have been feeling better ever since I've been talking to FireStorm and how she's done so much to me in a few days. With that guy, I'm hoping we could be friends again, that'd be nice.
Online friends are literally your family. Everyone who I've gotten along with and talked over a month with are my family and I care for them so much. <3
Ending with this, I'm not going to tell my grandma (who I'm staying with just for tonight, I've been staying with my step-uncle, my mom's step brother because I've been babysitting his daughters.) that I'm going to pierce my ears again (so I'll have 5 total).
I also deleted my Nalu story on Fanfiction, and plan on starting another one. :O
So yeah, that's my entry. Till next time! <3
Posted: Sun, 09/08/2015 05:28 (9 Years ago)
Title: You're amazing.
Posted: Mon, 10/08/2015 03:31 (9 Years ago)
Title: UH.
I had a dream about my old pastor. He is the one who....erm, sexually harassed me when I was five and my older sisters. I freaked out, work up, and just started to cry. It was really scary to think that he is still close (state living wise) to us, and he could do the same thing he did to me anytime....(since I'm the only sibling who lives here) (I will admit I tried to kill myself, but I COULDNT DO IT.)
I messaged that guy, no response. But I'm totally fine with it. I don't see myself as a good person, so I'm not surprised if I lose good people in my life. I deserve it, for most of the things I've done.
But I also cried, because tonight I'm going to be voice chatting with FireStorm for the very first time! LIKE OMFG, it's finally happening, because yesterday we tried, but we had technical difficulties (Darn you computer)! I'm staying with my uncle again, so I'm stuck with his daughters, I'm hoping they don't irritate me too much (JK, I love them)
I took a break from Fanfic for a little bit, because I felt like I was letting people down. And I couldn't get into it, since I lost two good internet friends. One was all because of my ex best friend because she locked herself in my bathroom and began messaging stuff. The other one was completely my fault, I'm a total jerk.
I should probably ignore these feelings, but I can't help it. I wish they actually knew, the whole truth, because neither of them have responded. BUT I DONT BLAME THEM!!!! I just have to move on (painfully) And look on the bright side.
BUT YAY I GET TO VOICE CHAT WITH MY WAIFU! (By the way I only shipping people I know, thank you very much. Herochat was terrible and I was blamed for random stuff that I didn't do!)
SO YEAH! (SORRY I DIDN'T USE THE DIVIDERS! I WAS RUSHING TO GET THIS THROUGH AND ME READING TAKES A REALLY LONG TIME! UNTIL NEXT TIME! <3
Posted: Mon, 10/08/2015 03:41 (9 Years ago)
Posted: Thu, 13/08/2015 04:37 (9 Years ago)
Title: 8/12/15
Anyway it was kind of a lazy day, FireStorm got me to play Pokemon Insurgence (WHICH IS AWESOME). She, so kindly, decided to wait for me to play so we could get our starters at the same time. It was really funny because I was messaging her everything that was going on with my commentary, really that game is dark yet so cool!
After that, nothing really happened, I think I took a nap and went on tumblr. So yeah it was basically a lazy day. Which is really relaxing when you have to deal with an obnoxious sassy 7 year old and a bossy 11 year old. Plus our cat is really cute until he jumped on one of them.
Also this happened yesterday, I had gotten a hate message on fanfiction saying how I was basically stupid for liking Angels Fall by Breaking Benjamin. I had to tell the person that I simply put it in my bio and did not state it was my favorite song. So he was yelling and such. Apparently, it wasn't the owner of the (forgot the name) thingy, so he apologized saying how it pained him that his friend hurt me and that I was a great author and I shouldn't let people put me down. It really made my day, I thought it was sweet, if that story of his friend stealing his phone was true or not.
That makes me smile widely because when I stated I was taking a break so many of the readers messaged me, wanting to talk. :) Best readers a girl could ask for.
That and one of my stories hit 107 reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Short entry, but I just felt like writing this. Until next time! :)
Posted: Thu, 13/08/2015 10:58 (9 Years ago)
Posted: Thu, 20/08/2015 05:41 (9 Years ago)
Uh, my Nalu stories is getting lots of feedback, in a couple of chapters my other story will be hitting 100 reviews. (But I have writers block). I also taught my cousin how to ride her bike...
Now for the semi-meh/bad news. I'm the type of person even if you stop talking to me, I'll message you, just to know I care. But when people randomly stop talking to me, ignoring my messages, it just hurt me seeing no reply, but I know they've read it. So I decided to block both of them, because I don't know what I did wrong and it just hurt to much. Like please, tell me what I did wrong, give me a reason before you stop trying. That way I don't have to wonder my whole life thinking "what did I do wrong?".
School orientation is tomorrow and I don't want to see anyone I know. Last year my friends had abandoned me, so yeah, I'll be alone most of the year. Probably insulting people mainly and eating a jar of nutella.
The saddest thing of all is that I grew tiresome of all my Pokemon-ALL NINTENDO DS GAMES! Like every time I play it, I just get bored, close my ds and not open it forgetting I was even playing with it. PLEASE SEND HALP! ):
Well yeah........I also said I wasn't going to do it anymore. But I did. And I feel completely disgusted in myself. So my five or so months of recovery is now official over. I'm only one day clean. Pathetic.
I wish it'll just end or get better in the school year...probably not because I will probably no longer talk to my online friend(s) as much. WHY IS IT GETTING WORSE!!?!?!?! .-.
Posted: Mon, 31/08/2015 03:02 (9 Years ago)
I was supposed to go to Silverwood, but she said he was going, so I told my mom I don't want to go. I've never even met the guy, nor did I know he existed. Then she tells me he was never going, she's a liar. Honestly I had a good relationship with my mom, I just...I honestly don't know what happened.
Friday she got engaged to him. I didn't hear it from her or my siblings. How do I know? I see it on her flipping facebook. Like shouldn't your youngest daughter know this? Seriously. I see all the comments, my sisters are like what and my mom is all like: "I tried to call you." She's never called me.
Then she's gonna move to San Diego. Fine go ahead and go with him. Way to tell everyone but me. What if she ends up trying to get custody of me? I mean I only have about two friends at school, but I don't want to leave them or my school. I've never held so much hate towards my mother, but now I do.
It's like I want nothing to do with her. I've been acting out because of this. Luckily no one, as in my dad, or other people have noticed.
So I also got my schedule for school. My first period is Study Hall. Like what am I supposed to do for the first few days of school? Absolutely nothing. But it starts next Thursday, totally excited (sarcasm).
On Fanfic, I put Unpredictable on hiatus because I don't know how to start the next few chapters and it's not getting many reviews as last time. And people could be like "Yeah right." No really, it's been 8 reviews each chapter except for the third one which only got 3. >_<
This week has been terrible. But I'm trying to make my online friend smile, because she's amazing! And I hate to see her sad. I feel useless and I will never be able to make her feel better, because I'm not them, but I'll try.
And today was my other friend's birthday! She has a cute hedgehog and a really cute Tarantula! I'm really jealous. Like, please let me hold them. But yeah, that was the only Brightside. I feel really useless, pathetic, I can't cheer up my friends or make them laugh, they don't need me. And my parents don't either. It makes me think if I should runaway at times?...
But right now, I am about to listen to music, play on the xbox, and fill up on oreos.
Until Next Time!
~Chalice.