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Forum Thread

Notes ♥

Forum-Index → Diaries → Notes ♥
Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Thu, 04/06/2015 14:03 (9 Years ago)



-To my Diary ! I am pretty much your local teen that likes to draw and listen to music as a distraction from reality. I love making friends & even though I am shy, feel free to talk with me ! I don't bite. ♥ My favorite animal are sheep and as you can see my favorite pokemon is Reshiram. I will post random stuff in this Diary...like music lyrics or whatever I am feeling like putting in here.
-I'd appreciate if you don't post here as it is my personal Diary where I put my things and stuff from days to days. Thank you very much for paying your attention reading this line..

-Some info about me:
◊Nickname: Aki/Ika
◊Pronouns: They/Them
◊Relationship Status: Single
◊Favorite Pokémon types:
◊Favorite Pokémons:
◊Previous Usernames (+change order): Usagi_Waru, Flaaffy-Chan, Flaaffy, Star-O-Light, Flaaffy, Romania, Flaaffy, Akiruru, Kino, Akiruru, Akirero, Akiruru, Totty


Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Thu, 04/06/2015 15:32 (9 Years ago)



Pokeheroes - You are here !
Discord - DELETED
Discord #2 - DELETED
Furvilla - DELETED
Flight Rising - DELETED
deviantART - DELETED
Toyhou.se - DELETED
Tumblr art - DELETED
Tumblr misc. - DELETED
Twitter - DELETED
Skype - DELETED


Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Tue, 14/07/2015 13:08 (9 Years ago)

TO DO LIST + PERSONAL NOTES:
00. [user]user[/user] - [url=]character[/url] - Payment - type of art - Status


01. Oxiide - character - 20$ - Full art - Status: 30% Done

02. Pikminbleu - character - 8$ - Flat Clean Lines Sketch - Status 0%

03. maya#1xxx - Custom description design - normal shiny Leafeon, the tips of her ears and tail the leaves are starting to yellow ever so slightly, she'd be wearing, anklesthis as a collar with two leaves coming off of it like the ones found on a Leafeon's and this bell coming off of the same location of the leaves.
Commission itself: front facing, shaded/colored sketch of her holding a neon green 3DS XL stylus with her front legs, with a lil wink n' smile
USD commission - 0%

04. user - character - Payment - Status
05. user - character - Payment - Status
06. user - character - Payment - Status
07. user - character - Payment - Status

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Wed, 19/08/2015 17:27 (9 Years ago)



A list of music I usually listen to. There will be listed mostly English/Japanese music because I am a weeb lmao. You can share your music with me as I love listening to new music.
❥ Troye Sivan - FOOLS
❥ Troye Sivan - BITE
❥ Troye Sivan - THE QUIET
❥ Troye Sivan ft. Broods - EASE
❥ The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather
❥ The Neighbourhood - Afraid
❥ The Neighbourhood - Daddy Issues
❥ MISSIO - Everybody Gets High
❥ MISSIO - Bottom Of The Deep Blue Sea
❥ SIAMÉS - The Wolf
❥ Caravan Palace - Lone Digger
❥ Imagine Dragons - Believer
❥ Imagine Dragons - I Bet My Life
❥ Imagine Dragons - Warriors
❥ Hozier - Take Me To Church
❥ Daughter - Youth
❥ Daughter - Medicine
❥ Weathers - Happy Pills
❥ Stephen - Crossfire
❥ Sultan & Ned Shepard - All These Roads
❥ Zedd ft. Troye Sivan - Papercut
❥ Marina & The Diamonds - Teen Idle
❥ Marina & The Diamonds - Homewrecker
❥ Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!
❥ Marina and the Diamonds - Primadonna Girl
❥ Tender - Outside
❥ Glass Animals - Pork Soda
❥ RUDE - Eternal Youth
❥ eery - Her
❥ Snail's House - ラ・ム・ネ
❥ Snail's House - Lullaby
❥ Lovewave - 그 밤
❥ with u' - Lonely
❥ ILWAG - I thought we were lovers w/ basil
❥ ILWAG - we've never met but [...]
❥ Halsey - Castle
❥ Halsey - Control
❥ Halsey - Colors (Stripped)
❥ Blonde Redhead - For the Damaged Coda
❥ Benny - Little Game
❥ Melanie Martinez - Dollhouse
❥ Melanie Martinez - Mad Hatter
❥ Melanie Martinez - Pity Party
❥ Hayley Kiyoko - Girls Like Girls
❥ Panic! At The Disco - Victorious
❥ Panic! At The Disco - This Is Gospel
❥ Fall Out Boy - Centuries
❥ Fall Out Boy - Light Em Up
❥ Fall Out Boy - Fourth of July
❥ Blackbear - idfc
❥ Blackbear- Do Re Mi
❥ Chase Holfelder - Animal
❥ Rag'n'Bone Man - Human
❥ Kero Kero Bonito - Flamingo
❥ Dark Cat feat. Juu & Cinders - BUBBLE TEA
❥ Shawn Wasabi - Marble Soda
❥ Shawn Wasabi - BURNT RICE
❥ Shawn Wasabi - HOTTO DOGU
❥ Black Coast - TRNDSTTR
❥ Clear ft. Mothica - Pusher
❥ TroyBoi - Do You?
❥ Unlike Pluto - Worst In Me
❥ Porter Robinson & Madeon - Shelter
❥ Michl - Kill Our Way To Heaven
❥ Jetta - I'd Love to Change the World
❥ Applause (Lady Gaga) - Sam Tsui Cover
❥ Akisai - Bless
❥ Yusuke Kuwabara - 朝'
❥ Tomoya Naka - Rainy Song
❥ Masafumi Komatsu - Reflection
❥ Paniyolo - Color
❥ Chouchou - Lunaria
❥ Florence + the Machine - Bird Song
❥ Florence & The Machine - Girl with one eye
❥ Regina Spektor - Two Birds
❥ Regina Spektor-Blue Lips
❥ You Are The Moon - The Hush Sound
❥ Stars - Dead Hearts
❥ Temposhark - Don't Mess With Me
❥ The Ready Set - Killer
❥ Set It Off - Wolf In Sheep's Clothing
❥ Set It Off - Partners in Crime
❥ Get Scared - Sarcasm
❥ The Cab - Angel With A Shotgun
❥ Red - Hold Me Now
❥ Red - Pieces
❥ Red - Let It Burn
❥ Red - Fight Inside
❥ Red - Nothing and Everything
❥ Simon Curtis - Flesh
❥ Simon Curtis - I Hate U
❥ Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment
❥ Nightmare Before Christmas- Jack's Lament
❥ Owl City - Fireflies
❥ OneRepublic - Counting Stars
❥ OneRepublic- Everybody Loves Me
❥ Lund - broken
❥ Train - Hey Soul Sister

















































Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Tue, 25/08/2015 16:53 (9 Years ago)


When I was a kid, I hid my heart under the bed because my mother said "If you're not careful, someday, someone's gonna break it." Take it from me, under the bed is not a good hiding spot. I know because I've been shot down so many times I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.

When I was a kid, I could fill a bookshelf with every different way they would tell me how not to play. They'd say "It's time to start putting childish things away." And I was like, "Fxxx you! This is Skeletor." But more and more they made me believe that our hearts are like door knocks, and that's where we get the sound of a beat.

And I'll never get to meet the man inside me if I can't stand still long enough to be there, I'll never make it anywhere if I keep running away, I'll never know myself if all I ever do is play nikki-nikki-nine doors, don't wanna be a man. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man. I wanted to register retirement savings plan that'd keep me and candy long enough to make old age sweet. I wanted two left feet so I could dance circles around important issues until way past my bed time.

I'm not saying I don't have opinions, just that others were less likely to argue if they were as tired as I was, fatigued as to amen what a good night kiss does to kids, it puts weights on our eyelids and returns us to a place where reason and imagination lace together shoes who's tongues stick out at stillness and beckon us to move forward.

As a kid, I was always drawn toward moonlight, despite an armada of adults who insist I must set my days according to sunlight. I would lay in bed, and fight sleep, believing if I shut my eyes, even for an instant, I would miss out on something amazing. Turns out I was right. I have seen stars stamped into the night like cookie cutter designs. Drew lines in-between each one, inventing new constellations so that when somebody asked me, "What's your sign?" I could point to mine, the one hanging over the first door past the finish line, and say "It's right there. The one marked exit." Because one day all this getting ahead bullxxxx will be over, and people will start looking for me, and I'll be there.

I'll wear my best flashing red and you, you will stand winner circle thorough-bred I will un-thread the screws that would put you throughout this life, then smile and say, "You made it."

When I was a kid, I traded in homework assignments for friendship, and gave my friends a late slip for never showing up on time, and in most cases, not at all.

I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise. And I remember this plan, borne out of frustration from a kid who kept calling me "yogi".

Then pointed to my tummy and said, "too many picnic baskets." Turns out it's not that hard to trick someone. And one day, before class, I said "Yeah... You can copy my homework."

And I gave him all the wrong answers that I'd written down the night before. He got his paper back, expecting a near perfect score, and couldn't believe it when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero.

I know I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28/30, but my satisfaction was complete when he looked at me puzzled and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, motherfxxxxx."

When I was a kid, I slid love letters through the slots of lockers that belonged to my secret crushes, built paint brushes from the tiny hairs that stood on end every time I saw them. My brain stem finally blooming with thoughts, I connected dots and made masterpieces, each brush stroke a thesis dedicated to the explanation that you, not knowing who I was, was only because anonymity made it easier to be brave.

I dipped my brush into a tidal wave I hoped that would one day wash over me. I can guarantee, if you've ever had a secret admirer, it was someone very much like me, who loved someone very much like you.

It was someone who wanted to tell you how much you meant, how every second we spent thinking of you was simply the cost of getting us through the hard times, we saved nickles and dimes hoping our first date would be with you. So with the disappoint of love, we gave up comic books and video games, I promise you, every guy I've ever met remembers the names of the ones they loved first, then our thirst for love continues, as we cross the deserts of maybe, believing we will find an oasis of yes.

Acquiesce, yes... We probably should have just said something, but we were chicken sxxx. We let the fuses of our hearts explode every time you walked on by.

When I was a kid, I did stupid sxxx. Ripped the woman's underwear section out of the sears' Christmas wish catalog, and blamed it on my granddad. He did end up covering for me, and had only this to say.

"You're only twelve! So I'm impressed. But take it from experience, don't hide that under your mattress." So I didn't. I hid it in the empty box of a board game that I never used to play. And on the day that my grandmother eventually found it, she reamed him out for hiding pornography in his grandson's bedroom. The impending doom of the truth set upon me like a dying sun sending its last ray of light over the horizon, and aimed directly at me. He didn't say a word. Incurred the full wrath then laughed with me later, saying "It's like your heart. It doesn't matter where you hide it."

Lovers are like little kids lifting up rocks, looking for an insect, they will find that shit.

When I was a kid, I trusted myself enough to know that one day, I'd be a man. One day I would have a childhood for a past and a future for a backup plan, that every gauntlet I've ever ran was a potato sack race, in which time would chase me further towards an ending, I am bending myself back to the beginning, reminding myself there's no winning any race against yourself, slow down.

And when the kid in you falls, turn around, pick them up, dust them off, then continue. Trust me, you are gonna need that kid. You are gonna need someone to remind you that every weed is a flower, just trying to make shit work, that every jerk you ever encounter is just another someone who somehow forgot that it's okay to need a hug. It's okay to be afraid.

When I was a kid, I played hop-scotch with the lines they drew in the sand, landed on the conclusion that second hand clothes at least to the benefit of experience, and I've got one hundred and thirty seven hand heart, broken apart and stitched back together at the seams. I've cartwheeled across balance beams, made from the broken finger bones of people who could not let go of this life.

I still love the night. I love the fact that if you squint your eyes just right, stars look like porcupines of light, stumbling across the dark dipping their quills into the night, trying to write apologies for all of the unanswered wishes from the times we once wished upon them.

Sometimes, I still wish. And most times, I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to wish.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I hope, I hope I never forget that kid who grew up inside me. He just seemed to laugh a little bit louder, smile just little bit longer, loved a whole lot stronger, world's first official awesome monger, taking awesome from door to door, "Take as much as you need. Don't worry about me, I got more. I've got a candy store filled with whatever it's gonna take to make tomorrow sweet."

I got two left feet and no bed time. I'm still not brave enough to have an orgy, but I rock the slumber party, come nap with me.First one to fall asleep loses, first one to fall asleep wins.


The race stops at the start and the finish line is where it begins so this time first one to lose wins. I know we never meant to turn our hearts to garbage bins. It was an accident.

I know the headlines of us giving up were a misprint, and really just bad reporting. I know we've been boarding up the windows from the outside in, we've been doing it ever since they told us to start letting things go, and I know we got into the habit of throwing everything away, but your heart is a door knock. And every time it beats, it's just that kid's way of asking, "Can you please come out and play?"

Jesen
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Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sat, 29/08/2015 19:04 (9 Years ago)

I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can
I wanna be the person that you think that I am
But even if I had it all come true like a dream
Is the person I came to be the really real me?


So young and simple, wishing like things would come true
Now as I am, I understand it’s best I die and soon


Just by living I’m hurting them another day
Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed


Just by leaving I’m helping them another day
Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see
Things like that would never happen for me


Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through
Like this I’ll fade without a trace, it’s for the best I do


Just by living I’m nothing for another day
Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything
Nobody wanted me, no one there to need
Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see?


Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me
Then could I have it all back in one piece?


In the end, we’ll fall to the ground again
Over and over and never get up
In the end, the person they made in me
Breaking and breaking and never pick up
In the end, we’re leaving it all again
Over and over and never wake up


Just by living I’m bringing you another day
Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?


In the end, the smile you give to me
Right when I wanted to give it all up
And I really do wish that I didn’t
And all of the moments I tried
Just to die said goodbye


Just by leaving I’m no one for another day
Hundred lives, never changing them or anything
Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me
Why can’t I laugh it off the way that I’d dreamed?

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sat, 05/09/2015 07:51 (9 Years ago)

Ultimately I don't understand a thing
I try to do the best I can
I know you try to do the same
We're just so bound to make mistakes
You could call it a disposition
I apologize for all your tears
I wish I could be different
But I'm still growing up
Into the one you can call your love
I don't know if I'll ever be enough
I'm throwing in my chips
I guess I tend to push my luck

And ultimately I believe we'll be okay
It's so cliché to say these things, but repetition is a key
I think I'm better when I'm with you
But I worry when you're gone
I think I need to learn to love myself
I must learn to be strong
So for now we'll say goodbye
Although it pains me in my heart
Your words they come to me in memories
They sing to me like songs
It won't be long until I'm here
Soon I'll make my arrival
Under shady trees
A quiet street
The roads that I have traveled

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sat, 26/09/2015 13:27 (9 Years ago)

隠れて
見つめて
繋げて
射止めた？
（極めて控えめ）
気づいて
気づいて

足りないものばっかりずっと増えてくの
ほんのりつらいな。
そのたびごと　「情けない」
じゃ済まされない、
（もっと大袈裟に痛がろう…！）

その場凌ぎではだめなのに
止まらぬ衝動をうずかせて
また地獄の連鎖に知らん顔
ほんとの続きを考えないように…

見初めて
あわせて
見惚れて　でれでれ
いままで
弱くて
ごめんね
ね

今になって、首をぎゅっと絞めてくる
優しい思い出
昇っただけ沈むは、お約束
（待って。そういうの怖すぎる…！）

あなたと一緒に笑い合う
おとぎの明日を可愛がる、
白々しく飛び交う痛み分け
ほんとの終わりを長引かせるために、

いつまで
前を向いて　もたもた進んでくわけだ…？
いつまで
格好付けて「ラブ」とかいうものを捏ねる

その場凌ぎではだめなのに、
怪しいレールを信じ込む
物々しく　でしゃばる物思い
繋げておきたい首の皮

あたまがしびれて熱くなる
「あなたの電波に溶かされたい！」
たどたどしい足取り　帰リ道、
あなたの優しさが嬉しかったんだ！！

嬉しかったんだ。

つくって
あそんだ
思い出
塞いで
どうして
生まれた？
それはね…

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Fri, 13/11/2015 06:44 (9 Years ago)
I've had nothing but boring days
I've been telling shameless lies
I put makeup on my disguised face and make a fake smile
I have another day I kill the true self to live

Mechanical voices echo on the subway platform
A little girl is caught in a rushing crowd
and falls out of the warning line

At 8 o'clock in the morning
subway Hibiya Line trains pass in a blink whizzing by
"A hero who dares to step over the warning line
and sacrifices his own life
just to save someone's life"
Such an unrealistic thought soon vanishes during rush hour

A stray cat I'd given milk day after day
was run over by a car and was dead
I don't say I'm sad
But tears nearly pour down my cheeks

I'm acting like nobody but a Pharisee
What makes the difference between the corpse and me?

Even from my friends, a cat, my family and my girlfriend who ask for help
I turned my eyes away and I live
I had no other choice because this is how the world works
I've given up everything but now...

Mechanical voices echo on the subway platform
A little girl is caught in a rushing crowd
and falls out of the warning line

This happens right in front of my eyes, not in a dream
Subway Hibiya Line trains pass in a blink whizzing by

"A hero who dares to step over the warning line
and sacrifices his own life
just to save someone's life"
He sees the girl's smiling face with vacant eyes
Such an incident soon vanishes during rush hour

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sun, 31/01/2016 10:42 (8 Years ago)
Just as I was about to take my shoes off, on the rooftop there I see
A girl with braided hair here before me, despite myself, I go and scream
“Hey, don’t do it please!”

Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?
I couldn’t care less either way
To be honest, I was somewhat pissed
This was an opportunity missed

The girl with braided hair told me her woes
You’ve probably heard it all before
“I really thought that he might be the one
But then he told me he was done”

For god’s sake please! Are you serious? I just can’t believe
That for some stupid reason you got here before me
Are you upset cause you can’t have what you wanted?

You’re lucky that you’ve never gotten robbed of anything!
“I’m feeling better thank you for listening”
The girl with braided hair then disappeared

“Alright, today’s the day!” or so I thought
Just as I took both of my shoes off
There was but a girl short as can be
Despite myself, I go and scream

The petite girl told me her woes
You’ve probably heard it all before
“Everyone ignores me, everyone steals
I don’t fit in with anyone here”

For god’s sake please! Are you serious? I just can’t believe
That for some stupid reason you got here before me
Cause even so, you’re still loved everyone at home
There’s always dinner waiting on the table, you know!

“I’m hungry” said the girl as she shed a tear
The girl short as can be then disappeared

And like that, there was someone everyday
I listened to their tale
I made them turn away

And yet there was no one who
would do this for me, no way I could
let out all this pain

For the very first time, there I see
Someone with the same pains as me
Having done this time and time again
She wore a yellow cardigan


“I just wanna stop the scars that grow
“Ev-e-ry-time that I go home
“That’s why I came up here instead”
That’s what the girl in the cardigan said
Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?
I couldn’t care less either way
But in the moment I just screamed
Something that I could not believe
“Hey, don’t do it please!”

Aa what to do?
I can’t stop this girl, oh this is new
For once I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew

But even so please just go away so I can’t see
Your pitiful expression is just too much for me!
“I guess today is just not my day” she looked away from me and then she disappeared

There’s no one here today, I guess it’s time
It’s just me myself and I
There’s no one who can interfere
No one to get in my way here

Taking off my yellow cardigan
Watching my braids all come undone
This petite girl, short as can be
Is gonna jump now and be free

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sun, 31/01/2016 10:56 (8 Years ago)
Empty Journal Entry
Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Sat, 13/02/2016 13:10 (8 Years ago)
ゆえに

ユーエンミー　ユーエンミー
ユーエンミー　ラブラブ

愛してく故に、
忘れてく故に

ユーエンミー　ユーエンミー
ユーエンミー　ラブラブ

手に入れる故に、
無くしてく故に

ユーエンミー　ユーエンミー
ユーエンミー　ラブラブ

生きていく故に、
死んでいく故に

ユーエンミー　ユーエンミー
ユーエンミー　ラブラブぅ？う

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Mon, 25/04/2016 16:09 (8 Years ago)

つたう温もり、焼き付いた夢心地
噛み付くように触れ合って！
誰も信じない当ても無い未来
死んじゃうまで強く感じたいな…ってさあ、
おかしーな、
きみの怖さに触れたいよ。
張り裂ける想い、恋と貼り替えていけ！

Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Tue, 06/02/2018 10:34 (6 Years ago)
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Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Fri, 09/03/2018 18:30 (6 Years ago)
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Jesen
OFFLINE
Trainerlevel: 83

Forum Posts: 1,335
Posted: Wed, 25/04/2018 15:46 (6 Years ago)
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