Forum Thread

This is a fanfiction that has been brewing in my mind for a while.

This is based on the 'tenth' doctor (David Tennant) and Donna.

Feel free to comment, especially if I make a mistake, especially if that mistake relates to something in the story that contradicts actual dr who episodes etc.

I am a busy person, so new posts may not be all that regular, and will also depend on whether or not I'm in the right mood for writing.

Anyway, here's the first bit:

Aira trudged through the crisp snow, her mind full of fairy tales and daydreams. She wore thick, woollen clothes insulated with fur, a fur hood covered her head and ears and her face was almost completely covered by cloth, with just a small slit showing her grey-blue eyes. Over her shoulder was a stick with half a dozen fish slung from it. Aira gave a contented sigh; a good catch today meant no fishing tomorrow.

Suddenly, Aira became aware of a sound in the valley other than the crunching of snow beneath her feet; a faint, distant whining that was becoming louder. Realising it was coming from behind her, she spun around and one of the fish fell to the ground. Something was appearing in the snow, about 10 meters from where she was standing. Aira quickly ducked behind a large ice-boulder and peeked out from the side, watching as the sound got more persistent and the shape gained focus. She gave a silent gasp and her eyes widened as she realised what had just arrived on her planet…

On the TARDIS, and approximately 3 minutes earlier (according to the Doctors timeline)…

Not for the first time, Donna found herself wishing that the Doctor would install seatbelts in the TARDIS. She made this wish known to the Doctor as she was thrown from one side of the console room to the other. The Doctor ignored her, partly because there was never enough time in between her shouts of indignation to reply, and partly because he was busy trying to land the TARDIS on the nearest planet without crashing. Sparks flew from one side of the console, and smoke from the other.

“C’mon, c’mon, almost there” said the Doctor. He pushed a few more buttons and gave a lever an almighty pull and finally, with one final lurch, the TARDIS landed.

The Doctor leaned on the console, breathing heavily. “You ok?” he murmured between gasps.

“I think so, apart from 50 or so new bruises…” Donna trailed off as she saw the Doctor was looking concerned, not at her, but at the TARDIS console.

“Oh! I hope you and your TARDIS will be very happy together, because you are obviously far more worried about its safety than mine!” And with that, Donna turned and marched out of the room, muttering about men and aliens.

“Oh, come on Donna! I didn’t mean…” The Doctor called after her, but she was gone. The Doctor shrugged and turned to look at the readings on the console. Breathable air, check, gravity, check, solid ground, check, no scary looking monsters, check. The screen showed a snowy valley, littered with boulders ranging from the size of a small car, to the size of a large house. The valley stretched about 4.5 kilometers at its widest point, with mountain ranges forming ominous walls on either side.

Just as the Doctor was looking away from the screen, a flash of movement caught his attention. He looked back and stared for a while. As nothing happened he shrugged and stood up straight. It would be a good idea to leave the TARDIS to cool down for a little while, he mused, so might as well check out the planet while they were there.

“Donna, I’m going out to have a look around. You coming?” The Doctor called down one of the corridors leading from the console room. Judging from the tone and use of rather strong adjectives shouted back to him, the Doctor decided she probably didn’t want to come.

“Suit yourself,” the Doctor replied. He knew that when Donna was in one of her moods it was best to leave her to it. She’d calm down eventually and her curiosity would overcome her anger. He grabbed his coat from the rack and headed out the door.

(Hmm, it seems I am on a roll, here's the next bit)

Aira couldn't believe it. The blue box, it was here. As she was watching, the door opened and a tall, skinny man stepped out. He breathed deeply and looked around, taking in his surroundings. Aira shifted slightly to get a better view, then drew back quickly as the Doctor looked directly at her. She forced herself to count to ten before looking back around the edge of the boulder.


Aha, so there was something out there, or rather, someone, thought the Doctor. He headed in the direction of the boulder slowly.

“Hello?” he called softly.

A head appeared out from the side of the boulder. The eyes grew wide and a gasp escaped from behind the face scarf. A young girl, of about 14 or so, stumbled back from the boulder as she saw the Doctors approach.

“It’s ok, I’m a friend. I’m the Doctor, what’s your name?” The Doctor took another step towards the girl, who backed away quickly, then slipped and fell backwards. She froze for a moment, looking at the Doctor with terror. Finally she scrambled to her feet, took a few steps backwards, then turned and ran, leaving behind her fish.

The Doctor watched, perplexed, as she ran off, then sat on his heels, looking at the fish. A voice from behind startled him.

“I see you’re making friends with the locals” remarked Donna sarcastically. The Doctor stood and gazed after the girl.

“She was afraid of me.”

“Well, I can’ think why. It’s not like she just saw a blue box appear out of nowhere and a strange man walking out of that box.”

“No, it’s not that.” The Doctor turned and looked at Donna, “She was really afraid of me. I told her I was the Doctor and she was terrified.”

Donna’s sarcastic look faded as she considered the Doctor’s statement. “Maybe you've been here in the past, well, her past, your future. Or however it works.”

“Yeah, maybe…” The smallest of frowns creased the Doctor’s forehead, then disappeared as he straightened and clasped his hands together, “Well, come on if you’re coming. We’re gonna be here for a while, may as well make the best of it.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked Donna.

“Probably not, but since when has that stopped us?” grinned the Doctor.

I can see you're a quite skilled writer. I couldn't spot any mistakes, grammar or story related. And I think you managed to keep the Doctor and Donna in character pretty well, they didn't seem OOC at all.

Also, I'm very curious as to where this story is going. What could've made Aira so scared...? .o.

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Thankyou! Great to have some feedback! Next part should be coming sometime this afternoon...hopefully... Gotta go for now, but I'll be back in a couple of hours.

As for where the story is going, you'll have to what and see...spoilers! ;)

Edit: Ok, I'm back with the next part of the story. I'm not completely happy with it, so minor changes may be made in the future. :/ These changes won't affect the plot or anything, just the way the story is written. Once again, feedback is appreciated :D


Trey was collecting firewood in the small wood to the east of the town when he saw a figure running towards him at full speed. As the person got closer, he recognized it as his younger sister, Aira. Her hood was swept back and her scarf had come loose, revealing her flushed cheeks and panicked eyes.

“It’s him! I’ve seen him! And his box too! I saw it!” Aira called breathlessly as she ran towards Trey. He looked at her with a mixture of concern and confusion.

“Slow down, what are you talking about? You’ve seen what?”

Aira took a deep breath and told Trey what she had seen. “It’s the prophecy! The blue box that comes out of nowhere, the Doctor man, exactly like it is in the old scrolls!”

Trey’s confusion was replaced with fear as Aira told her story. If she was right, it would be bad, very bad. “We have to go and tell the elders, quickly.” Trey turned towards town, but stopped as he felt Aira’s pull him back.

“No, not yet. We have to get more information, we need proof. If we don’t, they won’t believe us” said Aira. She had forgotten her initial fear, and replaced it with determination. This man will be stopped; she will make sure of it.

Trey considered this for a moment. Aira was right; the elders would see her story as nothing more than a childish prank, even if it was true. Besides, he was 16 now, a man. And men do not run away from danger, they stand and fight. But Aira would have to be protected.

“Ok, you stay here, I’ll go and get some proof…” Trey began, but Aira interrupted.

“No way, I’m coming with you. It was my discovery, so I’m coming. Anyway, you might need help.”

“Aira, this is not a game, the Doctor is dangerous…”

“So let me help. I’m coming anyway, whether you like it or not. You can’t stop me.” Aira stomped her foot for emphasis and scowled at her brother. Trey sighed.

“Fine, you can come. Just be careful, and if I say run, you run as fast as you can and get the elders, understand?”

“Sure, anything you say” replied Aira, smiling sweetly now that she had got her way.

Yay~ I'm already in love with this story. ^^
But what kind of prophecy would portray the Doctor as a bad guy? .o. This getting pretty interesting...
And when you described Aira running I could clearly see her in my mind. You've done great job with this. :]

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Thanks again for such kind comments. My writing has been a bit off today, so no updates till tomorrow sorry, but all will be revealed in time. I've just been working on the next bit, but it is now rather late in NZ so I'm going to have to call it a night.

The siblings crouched together behind the same boulder Aira had hidden behind earlier, taking turns at peeking out to observe the TARDIS. After several minutes of nothing happening, Aira started getting impatient.

“Can’t we get closer now? I told you, he’s already left the box, there’s no-one else here except you and me.”

“Sssh!” hissed Trey.

“Oh hush yourself! You be a scaredy then, I’m going to look in the box!” Aira stood up, but Trey pulled her down again.

“No you’re not! It could be a trap, I’ll go, you stay here and keep watch,” Trey whispered. Aira tried to say something, but Trey stopped her, “Stay put! Understand?”

“Fine” Aira sighed. Trey looked at her for a moment, then started heading towards the TARDIS.

Trey was almost to the TARDIS when he stopped to glance around. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Aira, who had come out from the boulder a few steps.

“Aira, would you for once just do…” Trey’s voice trailed off as he saw a grey shadow creeping up behind Aira. “Aira! Aira, run!”

Aira spun around to see what Trey was looking at. She gasped as she saw a faolynn; mere meters away. The faolynn snarled, bearing its teeth. A faolynn is similar to a wolf, but larger and brawnier, with a thick, powerful body and legs built for short bursts of speed and mighty leaps. Normally a hunter of the late evening, the faolynn’s fur is dense in varying shades of dark grey. It has keen eyesight and an acute sense of smell, able to pick up traces of their prey from miles away. Usually it wasn’t too interested in humans, and, indeed, it was not the scent of Aira and Trey that had brought this one near, but rather that of the fish that Aira had caught and left behind earlier. None of this information came to Aira, however, as she stood transfixed by terror in the presence of this fearsome beast.

Important note! A small detail has been changed in the first part of the story. The valley was originally said to be only 200 meters wide. I think I must have been half asleep while I was writing that part, as it was nowhere near wide enough. It has been changed to 4.5 kilometers. Although this is a small detail, it helps this part, and parts to come later, make more sense.

As always, let me know what you think.



Suddenly a small shape whizzed past Aira’s face and struck the faolynn just above the eye. It was no more than a slight annoyance for the faolynn, but it gave enough of a distraction for Aira to start to escape. The faolynn snarled as Aira dashed away, then looked back at Trey, whose leather sling was already reloaded with another stone. Some piece of information stirred in the back of Trey’s memory, something important, but Trey couldn’t quite grasp it. As the faolynn gave Trey one last look of what seemed like contempt before it bounded away after Aira, Trey heard another snarl, this time from behind him. It was then that Trey remembered. Faolynn always hunt in pairs.


Although the faolynn going after Aira had used up a large percentage of its power in the first moments of the chase, it was still faster than the young girl and the gap between them started to lessen. Aira’s breath was coming in ragged gasps; it was the second time today that she’d had to run for her life. But the sound of the faolynn pounding behind her, getting closer and closer, gave her a surge of adrenalin and new strength to her failing legs.

As she ran, she noticed a long, thin, dark smudge running up the side of the mountain wall at the edge of the valley. It was a crevice in the rock face, about 500 meters away, and Aira angled her path towards it. Unfortunately, her change in direction gave the faolynn the chance to get even closer. Aira glanced behind her then let out a scream when she saw the faolynn was only meters away.

All of a sudden the crevice was right in front of her, and she slipped into the crack. It was wider then she thought though, enough that the faolynn was able to squeeze in after her. It snapped at her as she went further and further in, and Aira let out another desperate call for help. Perhaps it was only the wind, but she thought she heard someone calling back to her.

The crevice was getting narrower, and Aira had to turn sideways in order to keep going. The faolynn was having trouble too, its wide shoulders were getting stuck, and small tufts of fur were being torn off as it forced itself after its prey. Normally, a faolynn would have given up by now, but it had been about a week since he and his mate had last eaten. The pursuit of Aira had been fuelled by a mixture of hunger and anger of her being so close, yet just out of reach. He was not going to go through all of that and have no reward at the end of it.

Aira had managed to put a bit of distance between the two of them and noticed with some relief that there was a sliver of light ahead. As she got closer to it, she realised that part of the wall of the crevice was jutting out right at the end, considerably narrowing the opening. Aira felt a surge of hope when she reached it, just wide enough for her, if she turned side on. Surely it would be too small for the faolynn. Her coat was shredded against the rough wall as she squeezed through the gap, but she managed it.

But her hope was shattered as she looked around. She was trapped; this was not a way out, but a dead end. The end of the crevice had opened up considerably, forming a rough circular enclosure about fifteen meters wide. Aira looked up, and could see a patch of blue sky and the edge of the sun peering over the edge of the rock wall encircling her.

A vicious snarl brought Aira’s attention back to the faolynn. It had reached the jut in the crevice and was stuck in the gap. To be trapped and be so close to his prey infuriated the faolynn, and he began thrashing around, determined to get out. Cracks appeared in the jut as the faolynn forced his weight against it. In desperation Aira clawed at the rock wall, trying to climb up the side, but the rock was sheer, and offered no hand or foot holds. She looked around frantically, searching for a stone or a stick, something to defend herself with, but the ground was bare.

With a final crunch the rock gave way, and the faolynn strode into the opening. It was breathing heavily, and had several scratches and grazes along the length of its body, but there was a glint of triumph in his eyes. The chase was over, there was nowhere left to run. He took his time coming towards Aira, savouring the moment.

Aira sank to the ground as she realized there was nothing she could do, she was finished. She closed her eyes as the faolynn snarled again, but then, as the snarling continued and the terrible bite did not come, she opened her eyes again. The faolynn was shaking its head and grimacing. It gave a final snarl then whimpered as it collapsed to the ground.

Aira stared at the still form in shock then looked up when she heard hurried footsteps. Suddenly there was someone by her side, gently helping her to her feet, asking her if she was hurt. In her confusion she thought it was Trey and she flung her arms around him, sobbing. But as he held her, she realized it was wrong, his clothes were wrong, and his voice, and size, and hands, and scent. She pulled back and looked up, into the face of the Doctor.

Thw hole chase was so intense it had me glued to the spot. Well, it was kinda obvious Aira wouldn't be the next lunch of the faolynn but I'm kinda wondering what happened to Trey. .o. I wouldn't be overly shocked if you decided to kill him but it feels like it would be a bit too soon. :d ...I guess I just have to wait and see. :,D

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Ok, sorry it's been a while coming, but we finally have the next part. I have started my study for the year, so I haven't had as much time to write. I've also been struggling a bit with this part... still not sure about it :/ but I'll let the readers decide.

Also, I thought it might be helpful to put a couple of notes on the pronunciation of some of the names and words. Well, I don't know about you but I like to know how words are pronounced in stories I am reading anyway, so here they, are whether you use them is up to you.

Aira - pronounced as it looks: Air-a
Trey - pronounced tray
faolynn - adapted from an Irish name (Faolan) meaning wolf, pronounced fay-oh-lin
jendayah - adapted from an African name (Jendayi) meaning thankful, pronounced as it looks: jen-day-ah (the meaning of jendayah, as used in this story, will become clearer later on)

Here is the next part of the story:

“Hello again” smiled the Doctor. He raised an eyebrow slightly as she took a few steps back. The terror she displayed in their previous encounter was no longer there, instead there was… confusion, maybe? Uncertainty? The Doctor wasn’t sure, perhaps it was just shock. After all, nearly becoming dinner for a faolynn would be enough to unsettle anyone.

The Doctor glanced down at the faolynn, and out of the corner of his eye saw the girls’ eyes flicker towards it too.

“He’s not dead, just stunned. He’ll have a nice long nap and be good as new in an hour or so.” When the girl didn’t respond, the Doctor continued, “See these big ears of his? They can pick up a huge range of sound, even high frequency sound waves, like the sort that come out of this.” The Doctor pulled what looked like a metallic dog whistle out of his pocket. “So, when you blow into this end, and amplify the frequency using a sonic device like this at the other end, it’s lights out for the big fella.” The Doctor knew the girl wouldn’t have understood half of what he’d just said, but he’d hoped his rambling might have taken the edge off the situation. However, the expression on the girls face still hadn’t changed.

The Doctor, his concern growing, took a step towards her, but then jumped back as a small stone whizzed past in front of his face.

“Get away from her!” roared a voice from the mouth of the crevice. A young lad advanced from behind the rock, dressed in similar clothes to the girl. But his were torn and blood-stained. Three long scratches came down the left side of his face and one eye was almost swollen shut. Underneath the bruises and swelling, the Doctor noticed a remarkable resemblance between him and the girl, and guessed he was her older brother. He carried his sling in one hand, and a long, double-edged knife in the other.


The sight of her brother seemed to snap Aira out of her daze.

“Trey!” She ran to him, flinging her arms around him. Trey staggered slightly and grimaced. Concerned, Aira let him go and stood back.

“What happened to you?”

“The other faolynn. Some men from the village found me just as it attacked. They fought it while it was on me, and one of them managed to spear it through the throat.”

“But I don’t understand, how did the others find you?”

“You weren’t the only one to find the blue box. Dallon was taking his boy out, to teach him to hunt, when they found it. He took his son back to the village and got some of the other men. They got there just in time. They’re out looking for him, and I came to find you. I followed the tracks… I thought you’d be…”

Aira looked over at the Doctor. “He…” she started, but Trey interrupted.

“I know, he’s the Doctor, isn’t he. Go and get the others, I’ll deal with this.” He turned and faced the Doctor, raising up the knife. The Doctor put his hands out and backed up slightly.

“Hey, now, take it easy, no-one needs to deal with anything, just put the knife down and we can talk…”

Trey shook his head as he came towards the Doctor. “You’re not gonna talk your way outta this one.”

“No! Trey, stop! Listen to me!” Aira rushed up, standing between Trey and the Doctor.

“Aira, out of my way” growled Trey, his eyes never leaving the Doctors’.

“You don’t understand, he saved me. Look,” she pleaded, pointing at the still unconscious faolynn, “it was going to get me, but he stopped it. Trey, it’s jendayah.”

“He is not one of us, he can’t claim jendayah!” Trey exclaimed.

“He saved me.” Aira replied firmly, “I decide if he gets jendayah, not…” But Aira was cut short once again, by a voice more familiar to the Doctor coming out of the crevice.

“Oi, space man! Next time you go running off to save some damsel in distress, could you not leave me on my own in the middle of no…” Donna came storming out then stopped when she saw the faolynn. “What on earth is that thing?”

I am definitely not a very big fan of Doctor.Who, nor do I know anything about this show, but what I do know is how to criticize :3 (Trust me, I love this job XD)
Blackscorpion2 is now ready to give you a full report of what he thought of this story so far >_< (please don't get offended, I really go over board with the constructive criticism)
~The review:
The first thing that I was able to distinguish about your work is the great expression. You really put your all into it and it really is appreciated by many of the more experienced writers. Your plot development is steady but then again, it lacks sophistication and bit more plot twists. If you could only lengthen your writing and add tad bit more details about the main story, it may reach the level at which people will be trapped as they further read this Fanfiction. You are really precise with the information regarding the different characters on the show, and like Finhawk has stated before, I really haven't dealt with any OOC problems :)

New-readers, or people who have started to know about the show expect more wonders from it. Let us not forget, your work reflects on how the show really is(so far, I have started watching the first few episodes of the series XD) As a critic, I have read many good and well written fanfictions and yours is qualified enough to become one of them, but, there comes the matter of it's length. It really has me disappointed, you could've added most of the details from all the different chapter's in one if you had the chance. Grammar Nazi's would've caught many mistakes right now, but being a more safer person, I'll only advise you to spice up your writing by adding more advanced wordings and expressions such as:
- Similes & metaphors
- Phrases and old sayings
- Quizzing sentences and onomatopoeia
- Advanced and unexpected plot twists.
These will intrigue the reader to not dare scroll back up and eventually urge him to beg for more ;)
Then again, this is only an option, It is your choice whether you chose to follow these points or not. Your work is, from the start till now one of the few fanfictions that really caught my attention and has a unique idea, these point's will further enlighten your work.
Great job with it and hope you do an even greater job ;)

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Big brother to the rescue! XD I'm kinda glad to discover he's still breathing, good thing the rest of the villagers aren't blind to the big bad blue box. :p
Also, I can't help but admire Trey a bit. Facing the evil doctor man, for his lil' sister.

And of course Donna shows up to interrupt them when things get heated. XD

As always, excellent work. I'm already anxiously waiting for more. ;]

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I know, I haven't posted for a while, sorry to anyone who has been waiting. It's been another hectic week of study and babysitting etc and it's not exactly my favorite time of year either... So basically I just haven't been in the right mood to write, and when I tried to it didn't work out very well. My brain should be back to it's usual self once the 14th is over so you can look forward to the next part then.

In the mean time, I just wanted to say thank you for your comments. This is actually my first time sharing my work with anyone (online or otherwise) so I really appreciate it. And thanks to blackscorpian too, I appreciate the constructive criticism as well. This has been quite different for me, as I usually don't write my stories in chronological order. I tend to write the end first, then the beginning, then I fill in the middle last, usually changing and adding bits here and there along the way. I must say that I haven't been completely happy with my writing either, and have found that it seems to be lacking in places, so I will definately take your points into consideration and try to 'spice it up' as you put it.

And, as always, great to hear your feedback Finhawk. Yes, Trey is sticking around... for now... he is rather crucial later on... ;)

Lovely work! I love me some fan fictions... I can definitely imagine this as an actual episode. Bonus points for not having an oc be the Doctor's companion, as those are becoming cliché. Also, Tennant's portrayal as the Doctor was optimistic, cheery and clever, and it is great that we see that side of The Doctor that is more villainous in the fan fic. We know that some villans are afraid of him, but it's interesting to see 'the good guys' being scared of him, which is appealing and new. With that said, *subscribe*

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O.O ...4 months! Argh! Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! Work, study, spriting and other general happenings in life caused me to completely forget about this :S

Well, I am now working on it, so expect the next part in a few days. I have finally got passed the bit that was causing me some trouble and the words are flowing a lot better now, so it shouldn't be too far away.

Hmmm, perhaps I shall leave you with this little teaser, a couple of paragraphs from a part much further on in the story that I have kinda written in my head. So it might change a little bit when I actually get to that part of the story, but the general scene will remain the same, it might just be worded differently. Anyway, I'll put it in spoilers just in case you don't want to read it yet... :P



It's kinda late here, and I'm rather tired, so there might be a few spelling and grammar errors in there. Feel free to point them out if you notice any, I don't mind :P

Hi! Nice Fan fic

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Hehee, I knew this wasn't dead for good! >: D

It's good to hear you got past whatever was causing you trouble though. ^^

Also, dat teaser... o-o The "bad guy" shows up I see. :p I wonder what the meanie did to Aira and how The Doctor is gonna kick his ***. xD

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Hey, who said anything about him being the bad guy O.o

But thanks, it was actually the first bit of the next part, just after Donna comes in and interrupts Trey and the Doc, that was the tricky bit. The voices didn't sound right, I know that sounds weird, but when I right speech for my characters I imagine them actually saying it in their voice. What Donna and the Doc were saying didn't sound like them so I got a bit stuck...Ok, that sounds even weirder... Ummm, let's just say I got writers block, lol :P