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Kuro's American History Lessons!
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Posted: Fri, 13/03/2015 02:09 (9 Years ago)
Welcome my lovelies. I am Kurohei the Black Devil Eevee thing and I host the KHL!
This is my first history lesson! I hope you enjoy!
*clears throat*
Good afternoon, and welcome to my history lesson. NO I DO NOT CARE IF IT IS NOT AFTERNOON WHERE YOU ARE. IT'S AFTERNOON HERE AND YOU WILL ABIDE BY MY TIME ZONE.
Okay. As I was saying before, welcome. Normally I would be eating food about now but I'm finally home alone and I decided to teach you idiots a lesson! We will be going over the War of 1812, aka the Second War of Independence aka The War Where Napoleon is a Troll and Britain is an @hole. (WHAT? IT'S TRUE. DEAL.)
So basically, this is that idiot Jefferson's time, and he was a Democratic-Republican. (SHUT UP. I KNOW DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS ARE DIFFERENT POLITICAL PARTIES RIGHT NOW. THAT WAS THE PAST IDIOT!) In other words, he was scared of tyranny and shrunk the U.S. militia and government and navy, which was a ridiculous move. He wanted the U.S. to be an agrarian country (I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! SEARCH IT UP!) and interpreted the Constitution to the book.
At this time, Britain was fighting a war against Napoleon, and French idiot. Napoleon was in desperate need for moolah and performed the Louisiana Purchase which of course, Jefferson bought. Britain was doing this annoying thing called impressment and it got America angry. War Hawks called for war. (Duh). So basically while trading both France and Britain put a tax on America if they were to trade with other European nations. And so Jefferson, the idiot, cut off ties with both Brits and French peeps. This affected the economy and dropped the money just a little bit. About thirty million. JUST A LITTLE BIT.
At least Madison noticed. When Madison took office he declared that whoever took the tax off first he would go to war with the other. Napoleon trolls both nations by telling America that France would stop but he really had no intentions to. The poor Brits were forced to fight on two fronts. And honestly, why they didn't stop the freaking tax and NOTIFY America earlier is beyond me. Dumb@s. So basically they send the letter to 'Murica on June 16th 1812 but on June 18th, America declared war on Britain. Good cheer to you, Kitkat! Haha.
And then they fought Blah blah blah. Brits FINALLY murdered Napoleon and then focused all attention on 'Murica and then decided to have a treaty after a while. Their treaty was in GHENT, BELGIUM of all places.
But since word was slow back then (they could exactly text each other like "hey dude lets stop fighting") Andrew Jackson led an attack on the Brits and lost only 71 peeps while the Brits lost 2,000. (HAH TAKE THAT, MIGHTY BRITISH EMPIRE). However, what's funny is that this battle took place TWO WEEKS AFTER THE FREAKING PEACE TREATY. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just killed 2,000 of your soldiers. Here, have a cookie."
And that basically sums up the War of 1812. I hope you enjoyed.
*clears throat*
Any idea on what I should cover next, lovelies? And if you'd like, I can mention you here. ^^
This is a diary of some sort. XD
Posted: Fri, 13/03/2015 02:56 (9 Years ago)
WTF
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r.i.p
Posted: Fri, 13/03/2015 03:08 (9 Years ago)
Posted: Sun, 15/03/2015 01:17 (9 Years ago)
My types are
Fire and Psychic!
Posted: Sun, 15/03/2015 01:51 (9 Years ago)
Title: Lesson #2: American Revolution
//rubs eyes GODDANGIT ALLERGIESS.
*clears throat*
Good evening! I am Kurohei and we are back with a new lesson! Woo hoo. I don't even WANT to do this but this is my job and I get paid twenty million a year. Because of reasons we will go over the American Revolution today.
Basically, let's just start from when Britain threw taxes on 'Murica because I'm lazy, and there is no good reason to backtrack all the way to Italy. So DEAL. //rubs eye
Basically fat King George wanted to restrict the peeps in 'Murica and put a truckload of taxes on 'Murica. "Oh, hey you're my own people, but I wanna restrict you more than needed!"
So 'Murica peeps got angry and started assaulting tax collectors by turning them into chickens. Like, by dunking them in HOT tar and feathers. And I'm the one going "hey, the collectors are doing their JOB." They also made effigies (SEARCH IT UP. I DONT CARE IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. I AM AN AMERICAN HISTORY TEACHER NOT A LANGUAGE ARTS TEACHER.)
Soooooooo basically tax collectors got afraid of taking the jobs and such. The 'Muricans formed something called the Sons of Liberty.
Anyway I haven't been going over the 'Murican Revolution for a while so most of this is at the top of my head. I do NOT have horns, thank you very much. Hey, maybe Floor should add some to my design…AHEM. I am digressing.
Okay so then George declared the 'Muricans in a state of rebellion and sent peeps to control them. 'Muricans sent the Olive Branch Petition in hopes of making peace but George ripped it up and threw it away. Seriously.
And then they fought blah blah blah blah blah and stuff and France and Spain joined 'Murica because they didn't like Brits. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend". And then the Anglophobics murdered Brits and the end. Haha.
That's my second history lesson. What should I do next?